Would you trust your partner if....?

Question

They often go out clubbing and come back at 7 or 8 am??

My husband and I have been together for 6 years. I'm 28 and he's 36. Most weekends he goes out Friday or Saturday and sometimes both.

His friend will come to meet him around 10pm and he doesn't come home until early in the morning.

Am I wrong in thinking this is unacceptable for a married man??

I wouldn't mind at all if he came back at a more reasonable time. When I go out with my friends I come back about 11pm at the latest, clubbing just isn't my thing.

About 10 months ago he came home after one of his nights out and told me he no longer loved me. I was suspicious so checked his belongings and found a hidden sim card which had various messages from another woman. He had this woman's name stored under a Mans name in his normal phone. So this is the reason I'm worried. We have put that incident behind us and moved on so breaking up comments wouldn't help.

Am I just being a jealous paranoid wife?

Is it normal to stay out so late? and if it's not how do I make him see how much it upsets me? I've tried but so far no luck (as he says it's normal to stay out so late)

Advice would be very much appreciated.

Answer 1

let me guess, you guys have young kids which means child support for  him.

And 6yrs is usually long enough for him to have to pay alimony.

That is how guys think sometimes.

Answer 2

no its not normal. a married man has no good reason to stay out late like that. your not being jealous. it's perfectly legitimate for you to be concered about this. maybe ask him if there is something missing at home. if he's understands it upsets you and keeps doing it then there is a problem. maybe see a marriage counselor.  

Answer 3

i am married myself and if that was my husband i would not be putting up with it fair enough every so often wanting to go out but all weekend every weekend that would drive me crazy, you would think that he would want to spend at least some weekends together after working all week.

I dont think you are being paranoid i would be just as concerned at 36 you would think the nightclubbin all the time would have slowed down i am not really sure what you should do but at least give yourself credit for putting up with it in the first place as many wouldn't have  

Answer 4

My best advice I can give you is trust your gut and follow your heart!!!  GOOD LUCK!!!

Answer 5

so he was all ready to cheat on you...and hes told you he no longer loves you, he spends all his weekends with "da boys"

ok..tell me again..WHY are you tolerating it? Your being a doormat!

Your being a jealous paranoid wife that has every reason to be paranoid, and he is walking allllllllllllll over you! Its NOT normal..he hasnt grown up..and in most relationships, when the man (or woman) is so childish, and chooses their friends over their partners, the relationship ends up breaking up.

You may not wanna hear it hun...but you havent got yourself a keeper..youve got yourself an immature prat. Sorry :(

Answer 6

Id be suspicious too!

To be honest... staying out all night every week is not on..

Once a week 4 half the night maybe!?

The thing is even if you arent in to clubbing id say you want to go with him but spring it on him.. and put his phone somewhere whilst hes in the shower or something. If he asks if u know where it is just say no-- u must have put it somewhere!

Even if he hasnt been upto anything you need to do something otherwise u r never going to be able to trust him and will get even more paranoid.

Did you ask him if he meant that h didnt love u anymore?

Answer 7

I would say no, not normal, especially if he's being deceptive. For whatever reason, he's  building a life that doesn't include you, and I think it's time for counseling.

I would talk to him about it. It's the only way to find out what's in his head. When you know his reasons, you may be able to figure out how to bring him back in the fold, or how to be involved in his other life. Does his friend have a spouse? If so, suggest that the 4 of you get together.

In any case, you two are becoming estranged. If left unchecked it probably won't end well.  Best of luck.

Answer 8

No, that's not normal especially for a 36 year old

Answer 9

if he told you he didnt love you that should of been a red flag i say go to therapy

Answer 10

Sounds to me like he is a married guiy living the single life...he needs to grow up and decide whether he wants to be single or married.

Answer 11

I wouldn't like it....I would think he was up to no good too...and i bet he is...blessings to you my dear...

Answer 12

This sounds like you're in a odd situation. I'm no where near the age to go clubbing but that doesn't sound right. You should talk to him and ask if you can go with him? If he says no at least ask him where he goes and what he does. Maybe you could have a friend your husband doesn't know "spy" on him. Go to the same club and over look what he is doing. I'm not sure if that will hurt your marriage but he's apparently been lying to you for a long time. I think you have ever right to be mad.

Answer 13

Bars close at 2, 3 or 4 am, honey.  8 am - he's not doing a vertical dance at that point, it's a horizonal mambo!!   What do the messages on the other sim card say?   Where there's smoke, there's fire.  You know what you need to do already....

Answer 14

No, it's not really normal for your married husband to behave like a single man.  Maybe, you should tell him that you want to go clubbing with him, see how he reacts.  Go with him for a while if he lets you.  You have nothing to worry about if he has no problem with you hanging out with him and his friends.  You have to do it for a while though, even if you don't like clubbing just go.  

If he has a problem with you going, then you have a major trust issue.  All I can say is get outside help for your marriage.  

Answer 15

Why do you want to stay with a guy that has NO respect for your feelings?The bars close way before 7/8 AM do you really believe he's just hangen with his buds? The choice is yours you can put up with the abuse (and it IS abuse) or not..

Answer 16

what does he do unitl that time? usualy people finish nightclubing by 3 or so, its fine to go out clubbing but sthats very late if its quite often, and if he was hiding something before you should be worried if he's out all the time.... Sorry to hear that, but just confront him straight out and say your not happy about it, and if he says its normal to be out that late, tell him he'll have to change. Or some night, you go out and don't come back and see how he likes it.

Answer 17

man that hurts much

it is unacceptable in my opinion

this man needs some lesson

but if he did realize his mistake, you should discuss this properly with him or your heart will soon break

Answer 18

???

Answer 19

Okay, you can say breaking up is not the answer you're looking for....but what you are telling us is that if he IS cheating and or worse..that you'll stay with him regardless? Then why would you ask us if you can trust him? Whether he cheats or not would it matter since you're staying with him regardless?

BUT...like some people have already said most clubs shut down by 3 or 4...both business and just people in general.  So him coming home by 8 means he's somewhere else for those 4 or 5 hours.

It's normal to stay out late til 3 or 4, that's fine..i mean if it's happening on a weekend or a day off then i wouldn't see why that'd be bad...h**l i'd rather have my wife with me though.BUT THAT'S ME.  In his case if this is frequent then i'm sorry that's a trend that goes well beyond just 'clubbing.'  

8 in the morning is crazy...especially if he leaves around freakin 10pm....he's playing you for a fool, not even my BROTHER, who's the craziest freak on the planet would do c**p like that....and he's SINGLE....

But as you say...breaking up comments won't help....you decided to let him play you..then you shouldn't be jealous or paranoid...the answer is there in your face..he is CHEATING..and that's it....enjoy him and his cheating, hope you guys last a long time as you pretty much accepted an open relationship....guess you can just sit him down and say it's okay to have s*x with other women as he has already said he's fallen out of love with you....those are BIG words to say to someone you made vows to.....BIG BIG words.

Answer 20

my trust in my "partner"would be limited and I  would expect one day for him to say the marriage is over. I cannot see why a married man stays out  the hours you express. I would be very suspicious and keep an eye on him and his actions to protect your emotions. If he has already been "caught", then what will make him change?  Suggestion:  ( if you dare) follow him one night or go to the club(s) he frequents and see for yourself. If you get caught, then; oh well, you had to find out. BUT be prepared for what you might see

Answer 21

I think it is very unacceptable for a married man to stay out until 7 or 8 in the morning.  I think it's disrespectful towards you and the institution of marriage in general. Guys do not stay out and party until 7 or 8 in the morning, honey. Maybe 2 or 3 or 4, but never until 8! Clubs close at 3 for christ's sakes. That's VERY suspicious. I would think my man was out sleeping around if he did that every weekend.

It sounds to me like he's not taking your relationship seriously and just walking all over you. I would sit down and talk to him. Tell him how you really feel. Tell him that he's not being a respectful husband. And tell him that you don't feel he's serious about your marriage. If he doesn't get his **** together, I know you didn't want to hear this, but then it's time to kick his *** to the curb.

Good Luck, honey.

Answer 22

it's not acceptable to ME you have to figure out if it's acceptable to YOU.  

Answer 23

Im sorry . . . its not normal, and if he is 36 and still acting like a 20yo with the clubbing, then he isnt really ready to grow up and be in a serious relationship.

Answer 24

From your question, I don't see any reason for you to trust him.  He is out all night, after going to the clubs.  What do you think he is doing after he gets done with the club?  He has already shown you his behavior and his willingness to have a relationship and try and hide it from you.

In short, no it's not acceptable behavior for a married man or woman, unless of course both of you have agreed upon an open marriage.

Answer 25

Believe in your intuition....  98% of it is right... Married Men who are responsible enough to know what are they responsible of and as well as their duty as a husband doesn't stay out until that time.. I allow my hubby go out with friends but good guys go home at the latest by 3am... Of course they rather spend the rest of the morning sleeping with their wife rather than spending the entire morning with just his "male friends" as a usual alibi to those men who has something on their sleeves. Better talk with your hubby in the nice way.. make him suffer by proving he's going to regret leaving you all by yourself... YOU CAN JUST DO IT BY BEING MUCH SWEETER, ATTENTIVE AND LOVING :)

Answer 26

get away from that life, find someone that enjoys the same things you do. if he doesn't love you, tell him to hit the road...

Answer 27

It's only normal to stay out that late if yo are having an affair or sitting around a table doing drugs.

Where does he say he is? Clubs aren't open at 7am.

Either way not a good sign for you

Answer 28

NO MARRIED MAN needs to stay out all night. It sounds like he is hiding something. I think you know the answer, but just need to  hear it from someone else.  Its hard to gain trust back when its lost.  They say 95% (or something like that) of you lifes happiness depends on the person you choose to spend your life with.  Life is too short to be sad.  Good Luck.

my ex was cheating on me when he stayed out late.

Answer 29

I agree that he should be home at a more reasonable time.