Would you want to work for an employer who says right out that they won't respect you?

Question

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080829/ap_on_fe_st/odd_help_wanted_nanny

This employer is basically stating the truth in the ad. It is exactly like saying, "Don't expect a good employment situation at all because I part of the problem is me." Who would want to work for such a jerk? Why does the employer consciously decide she will be a jerk in the first place? She has decided that she will be a jerk and won't even consider working on her attitude. She doesn't have to be a jerk. She chooses to be one. That's the crazy part.

Answer 1

That is so not right!  Whoa, I couldn't work for anyone like that, even if the pay was real good.

Answer 2

I might not apply for that job, but you're misreading it if you think the employer is saying they won't respect the person they hire. Let's analyze the ad/article:

NEW YORK - It was an unusually honest ad for a live-in nanny, a 1,000-word tome beginning, "My kids are a pain." But it worked, attracting a brave soul who's never been a nanny before.

COMMENT: That's up-front honesty.

"If you cannot multitask, or communicate without being passive aggressive, don't even bother replying," Rebecca Land Soodak, a mother of four on Manhattan's Upper East Side, wrote Aug. 19 in her advertisement on Craigslist.

COMMENT: That's probably a fair description of the environment. It's a warning for those who might be passive-aggressive.

"I can be a tad difficult to work for. I'm loud, pushy and while I used to think we paid well, I am no longer sure."

COMMENT: OK. Honesty again. She's not saying she won't respect the employee. Look: I'm from the Washington, D.C., area, and the first time I encountered New Yorkers (when I went to summer camp when I was about 10 years old), they struck me as very loud and pushy. They still do. They can be nice; they can be respectful; but I've known plenty of New Yorkers who come across as loud and pushy. A lot of Southerners come across as quiet and passive. A lot of Californians come across as self-confident and self-assured. Sometimes a stereotype, sometimes true. But, believe me, it's a cultural shock for someone from, say, the South, to encounter someone from New York.

........

Sodak, a 40-year-old painter whose husband owns a wine store, eventually hired Christina Wynn, a 25-year-old University of Virginia graduate, to take care of Rubin, 12; Ellis, 9; and Shay and Cassie, both 6.

Some other excerpts from the listing: "If you are fundamentally unhappy with your life, you will be more unhappy if you take this job, so do us all a favor and get some treatment or move to the Rockies, but do not apply for employment with us."

COMMENT: A bit harsh, maybe, but some people are fundamentally unhappy with their lives. And that does carry over into an employment situation. I'd probably have left out "get some treatment." Otherwise, not much wrong there.

And this: "Also, if you suspect all wealthy women are frivolous, we are not for you."

COMMENT: Nothing wrong there.

And this: "I have all sorts of theories on how to stack my dishwasher, and if you are judgmental about Ritalin for ADHD, or think such things are caused by too much sugar, again, deal-break city."

COMMENT: Good for her. The "theories on how to stack my dishwasher" indicates she's kind of picky and precise. That can be difficult to adjust to, but it sure helps that going into the situation. As for the Ritalin/ADHD reference, fine. I have a lot of experience with people with ADHD and there are plenty of misconceptions--that it's caused by sugar, by poor parenting etc. If her kids have ADHD, the last thing they'd need would be someone who doesn't understand the disorder.

What the employer is saying in the ad is: "This is a challenging, difficult situation. I want to be completely honest with you upfront, so you'll decide not to apply if you won't fit in." There's a difference between "a jerk" and a precise, demanding, employer. I didn't see anything in there about not respecting the employee.

And another thought: She at least has the self-awareness to describe herself as she does--including the "loud and pushy" part. Most people don't have that level of self-awareness. They just wonder why some people don't seem to like them...or they assume everyone else is wrong or out-of-touch. She knows her strengths and she knows her weaknesses.

Like I said, I probably wouldn't have applied for the job. But I'd very much appreciate her honesty and bluntness.