Wouldn't ending adoption mean more abused kids?

Question

Seems like you all want to end adoption but like isn't that just making kids stay with people who don't wantthem?

Answer 1

No It would not.

I would hope it would be common sense to come up with something better to take it's place?

No

Call me crazy but....

Answer 2

I sure wouldn't want to force an unwanted kid on anybody.  There is more to child abuse than the planning of the pregnancy, though.

My kid's birthmom was over 20 and married when she had her - and then abused her.  It was the state that had to intervene so my kid would have an adoptive home rather than living in an orphanage.

Answer 3

There are some extreme people on this board who do want to end adoption, but the majority of people do not....they just want it to be ethical and in everyone's best interest.

I've been in foster care and adoption for 10 years.  None of my clients who were child abusers would have even have considered adoption...there is NO connection between the two frames of mind.

A lot of birth parents don't simply "not want their babies."  They just feel that adoption would be better for them and the baby....it is most often a sacrifice of love.

The potential to abuse a child comes from more than simply not being ready to be a parent...you have to have the capacity for cruelty and violence...not everyone has that.

I think there would be an increase in neglect, especially with parents who REALLY cannot or do not want to be parents.

Answer 4

My story is similar to Isabel's...I thought that my first mom relinquished me because she wanted to go to college because that's what the social worker told my aparents.

I found out later from her that it wasn't true.  She was forced to put me up for adoption by her father who didn't want a family scandal.  I doubt she ever would have abused me, and would have happily raised me if she had had the proper support.

But I'm with the others who said that no one is wanting adoption to be abolished.  I personally would like to see adoption taking place only when necessary, and greater support for keeping families together for those who really want to keep their children but think that they can't.

Answer 5

No, actually, it would be more likely to mean fewer abused kids. Study after study has shown that children are much more likely to be abused by non-related family members than by biological relatives.

Other countries have changed their adoption policies to help biological family members stay together whenever possible. Of course, abused and neglected children are still protected. With fewer children in the pipeline, these countries are able to devote more time and resources to children who truly need professional intervention for their own protection.

Only in the US is it considered more important to transfer babies to strangers who want them rather than to protect families.

Answer 6

Many people have suggested ending adoption "as we know it" today, i.e. reforming the current system.  The goal of reform is to end abuse: denial of access to birth records and over zealous splintering of families.

Many first parents who place children for adoption actually want to raise them but see no possible way.  The goal of reform is to help those who can be helped.  If you saw a man carrying a chest full of precious family heirlooms fall down and hurt his back, you'd get him to the doctor.  You wouldn't stoop down and take his treasure just because he couldn't handle the burden.  Shouldn't we try to help families before allowing them to be split?

Answer 7

Wow YOur one of those glass half empty kinda people huh? NO it doesnt mean more abused children. It means more people having abortions. and more dumpster kids. but  it also means more responsibilities and more people being punished. But people dont just put their kids up for adoption cause they think they are going to abuse them. They do it cause they're not ready or they don't think they can provide what they want there child to have. NObody in their right minnd would "End Adoption" Especially with all the people against abortion.

Answer 8

I am politely saying... "Grow up" - it isn't about ending adoption it's about human rights.

Not adopted  and speaking for myself.

Edit:  Ya know what surfnerd your right - it was inappropriate for me to even politely say "Grow Up" - i'm really sorry for that remark!

Answer 9

Yep.  You nailed it.

Answer 10

Not necessarily. The children who are abused are often the ones who aren't going to be adopted anyway. That's because they're often "too old" and most prospective adoptive parents only want infants.

Answer 11

Please back up your claims that "you all" want to "end" adoption.

I have not seen anywhere that anyone wants to "end" adoption.

End the secrecy and lies that come with sealed records, yes.

End the coercive and unethical practices that *some* agencies and facilitators utilize in order to obtain babies, yes.

But end all adoption?  That is a sweeping statement which has little to back itself up.

I'll be waiting.

Answer 12

I agree with you..

Answer 13

No one wants to end adoption! The majority of the people on this site are against abortion and encourage adoption! There is nothing wrong with adoption as a whole. Yes, the system has problems, but it is a much better solution!

Answer 14

Why is it so hard to understand that children can be cared for and taken care of, even separately from their natural parents if necessary without adoption?

Thats not TOO HARD to comprehend.

Adoption isn't the ONLY solution to providing for children who need caring for, separate from the families they were born into.

It doesn't take a perfect world to honor the rights of the children while giving them security, permanency, education, clothing, nurturing and shelter etc.

It doesn't take "adoption" as it exists today either.

Step out of the box surfnerd and others who don't get it, its not too hard, and you won't fall.

Kimberly (poster below me) - you're clearly one of the glass half empty people as well. Your answer is totally wrong.

Answer 15

Yeah.  I felt that way too.  I spent my entire life believing that my biological mother put me up for adoption because she wanted to go to college and didn't want me.

And then I met her a received my paperwork and learned that relinquishing me was something she did under extreme duress and that the people she trusted (the adoption agency) deliberately lied to her.

When I showed my amom the papaerwork, she started to cry and said that if she had known the truth, she never would have taken me.  She thought I was unwanted too.

It wasn't true.

Please do some research about the women who relinquished their children and their reasons for doing so.  For most it was not because they didn't want them.  Many of them had no choice.

Please take the time to read the book "The Girls Who Went Away" by Ann Fessler.

And by the way,  I don't want to end adoption, I just want it fixed so that what happened to me and my family never happens again.

Answer 16

No it wouldn't.   The assumption that all people who relinquish their kids for adoption would be abusers had they parented is just wrong

Answer 17

first of all, let me rephrase your question a bit-  birth mom's do not always NOT WANT THEIR CHILDREN- they cannot raise their baby, so out of selfless love, they place their babies for adoption instead of taking a baby life, through abortion.  Knowing the birth mom of my son, she REALLY wanted him, but chose to place him in our love out of love-

Answer 18

NO!

many mothers are talked into giving up their kids,  told they don't have enough money, love, maturity, etc.

mothers want their kids.

Answer 19

yes, but I doubt there ever end adoption.

Answer 20

It's not about ending all adoption.  It's about changing the system.  It's about doing what's best for the child without stripping away their idenity.

I also think that adopting children out of foster care and adopting infants are two different things.  Children that are in the foster care system are usually there because their parents have tried to parent them but because of challenging circumstances (behavior problems, drug addiction, abuse, etc.) they are unable to offer them a stable home.  The foster care system needs to be reformed to make sure that everything is being done to keep the biological family intact and that the kids aren't being lost or abused in the system.

Infant adoption on the other hand usually involves mothers who do want their children but are convinced that they are not capable of raising their children and that the child would be better off being adopted.  As a result both mother and child experience loss and hurt for the rest of their lives.  The child's records are sealed and they have no access to their birth records and medical history.  Adoption of infants also needs to be reformed to ensure that everything is being done to make sure that the biological family stays intact.  Right now it is about money and getting naive mothers to give up their children.

Answer 21

Who said anything about ending adoption for children who end up without families?  Too many people misread the intentions of reformers.

Children who are being abused are removed by CPS.  These children's parents are not parents that wanted to relinquish in the first place.  Their plan always was to just have their baby and raise it.  However, because of abuse/neglect, CPS gets involved.  At some point, parental rights are involuntarily severed by the courts.  THEN, the children are available for adoption.  These children are the reason adoption is meant to exist.

NO ONE is stating these children don't need families.

Helping preserve families by aiding women WHO WISH TO KEEP THEIR BABIES, but are considering relinquishment due to problems like finances, doesn't increase abuse.  What makes you think that because these women lack resources that they WILL ABUSE their children?  

You have missed the point entirely.