Wouldn't you like to know if someone had a concern about your baby?

Question

My 8 month old baby girl often looks like she has a lazy eye. At first it was always the left but now for some reason the right seems weaker. I knew this might happen because her dad and I have both have had problems with our eyes. She is going to see the eye doctor next week- the pediatrician noticed it last appointment and sent us to one. I mentioned this to a friend the other day and her comment was good, I thought there might be a problem. She never said anything before I mentioned it though. It got me to thinking. Is it better for someone to tell you their concern if a valid medical one or would you rather them not say anything? I know I wouldn't want someone to tell me if they thought my child was behind on milestones if she was just taking her time but what about a medical thing like this. Is it helpful or intrusive to mention a problem like a lazy eye? I really feel bothered that she didn't say something before or even ask about it but would I feel the same if she did mention it? I don't know. I know she just didn't want to offend but what if it was something needed to be dealt with I didn't notice? Is it not better to risk offending someone in these cases for the child's sake? What do you think is better- to tell or not?

Answer 1

I don't think its an issue of somebody telling me a concern, it's more of the way they go about it.  If I feel as though they are taking a jab at my parenting or insinuating that I'm neglectful, then the so-called "concern" or advice is definitly unwanted.  If somebody would come to me in such a way that I felt they were truly concerned and not trying to place blame, then I'm all ears.  I'm not saying I'm a perfect mom, not by a long shot, but the way people speak to you makes all the difference in the world.  She may not have said anything because she was waiting for you to bring it up first, and since it's not a life threatening condition, that's all the more reason for her to wait.  I think if it had been something more serious (like a broken blood vessel in the child's eye, or a red and puffy sty, or something along those lines) she would've brought it up immediately because it would've needed treatment promptly.

I'm sure she cares about the well-being of your daughter almost as much as you do, and she also cares about your friendship.  Sometimes those lines get crossed, and out of care and concern, the person isn't really sure what they should do.

Personally, if I saw something that could potentially endanger a child, I would speak up regardless, but if it were something similar to your daughters eye condition, it's not something that would peak my concern enough to start badgering you about it.  I would figure, as her parent, its something you were already dealing with, and who would I be to say anything to you, when it wouldn't help you at all.

Answer 2

If the relationship is close enough-I would tell.  I would risk the feelings of the mom if I was truly concerned for the child's well-being.

It also depends on the person.  Do they freak out at every little thing?  Have they taken their child into the dr. everytime they didn't p**p for 12 hours?

She may have assumed her eye was cosmetic and didn't want to make you feel bad about it.

Answer 3

i am always one for telling but not rushing into it. cause you have to consider the person's reaction and feelings...in which i do. i pick my battles and know when i should butt out, your friend seems like a good friend, she probably knows that you aren't stupid or in denial about the situation and had good faith that you would take care of it or that it just didn't bother you. if its a situation to where it bothers you then i would tell that person with good judgement and politely. just know that what you say may backfire and be ready to deal with it.