Wouldn't you love to hear 'real' stories from adopted children (sic) and biological moms here?

Question

I'm not saying that all the answers are fake about adoption, but I challenge you today to write one thing real that has happened if you are adopted or have placed for adoption.

Answer 1

Here's something real for you:

I was adopted as a baby in 1968.  My records are sealed by court order because it was a private adoption.   I knew from a  young age that I was adopted and I was always encouraged by my adopted parents to ask questions or even to seek answers if that was my wish.  It wasn't.

I lost my adopted mother to colon cancer in 1996 and I'll tell you right now that I have NEVER searched and WILL NEVER search for my biological mother.  My (adopted) mom Susan WAS my real mother in every way, shape and form!  Her influence in my life was extraordinary and is even now a true presence even 11 years after her death.  We even looked alike.  I am just as close with my adopted dad and he is one of my dearest friends as well.

Every friend I have ever had and even my current partner now does not understand why I do not choose to look for my biological parents.  My explanation?  I feel it in my heart that I was meant to have my adopted mom and dad as parents and that I am NOT meant to look.  I choose not to diminish or tarnish my memories of the beloved mother who raised me and I would not dishonor her memory by seeking a replacement.

I am grateful to the woman who gave me life for allowing me the opportunity to grow up with the family I have now.  I have a good life because of it and I am happy.  If she is searching for me, I'm sorry and I have compassion for her search, but I am resolute in my loyalty and will not budge.  I believe there is a reason for everything that happens and it is not up to me to try and change it.

How 'bout that for real?  Happy New Year!

Answer 2

wow MMM i want to give you a HUGE hug. I have been there,i just want you to know, its not being "disloyal" to search if any part of you wants to. It sounds like, after reading your post, that you feel that you have to remain loyal by choosing a side, and I've totally been there, and it never felt good.

Hers is a real story, one adoptees face every day. Loyalty. Who will we side with, we have to remain loyal to the ones who raised us right? after all we were thrown away, and we never would have been alive if it weren't for THEM and we'll assure our loyalty by using terms like "real" infront of our parents names so its known who we "sided" with. We'll bold words like 'MOM' when speaking with the "chosen' one, just to make it extra CLEAR.  "gratefulness" is shoved down our thoats and we're definately taught who to side with. From day one our aparents, before they take us home are told how "grateful" we'll be. Of course you're loyal MMM, thats just what they raised you to be, and when I say "they" i don't mean your aparents, I mean the industry.

One day, it will be about you. I hope that day is today.

This story is far too real, and far too common. Welcome to the life of the "happy" adoptee.

Answer 3

I am the parent of an adopted child and the grand parent of two. I can say for certain that being adopted is a gift to all the parents and the child. To those of you that watch shows on adoption few if any ever show you the darker side of finding your biological parents. Think about some of the people that were not allowed to reach their potential because no one was there to show them a different way of life.

The gift of a child is something to be cherished for life. In cherishing that life you give that child the gift of a life that can be allowed to grow and love and feel loved. You are changing the world one child at a time.

If you are a person who gave up a child thank God you chose to give someone like me  the most wonderful gift anyone could ever have given me( my daughter).

If you are a child who was adopted thank God your biological mother gave you life and so did your adoptive parents. Stay positive about this. After all many people don't know who their real daddy is and will never know there was ever an issue with it.

Answer 4

My first mother was really sent across state lines to a Crittenton home to "hide her shame."  I was really born two months premature in 1965, really spent a month in a incubator and a month in a foster home and then went home with my a'parents looking like a newborn.  

And I really got teased about being adopted.  For some reason folks don't want to believe that.  But we all know kids pick on each other.

I had a good adoption and love my a'parents dearly, but, as Phil said, I've spent my life on the outside looking in.  While this has made me a better creative writer, it's a lonely way to live.

Answer 5

I'm real, and my real story is here:

http://paragraphein.wordpress.com/my-sto...

And these women are real, too, and many of them also blog their real stories:

http://paragraphein.wordpress.com/the-fa...

Answer 6

During the one meeting I had to meet with my son's potential adoptive parents, I said the one thing I would not want was to ever be a mystery to my son as he grew up.  If he had questions, I'd be more than willing to answer them.

I found out about ten years after relinquishment, that he knows nothing about us.  He doesn't know his biological parents went on to marry, or to have more kids together.  I doubt he's even seen our pictures or heard our names.

Real enough?

Answer 7

i was adopted at 11 days old. my birthmother had 3 more kids after me and kept them but thats ok and i guess that i dont really remember anything really

i was in a foster home for 10 days and i had a little pink bow in my hair.

i am now 13

Answer 8

As a 'birthmom' I know I will never be called mom by my bdaughter and never be called Grandma by her children. I gave up that right and I can live with that. I would never expect her to take sides. She has a mother who loves her. I know my place in her life and i accept it. I'm happy she has allowed us in her life. Do we have issues? h**l yes, but we are trying to move on and not dwell on the past. We have both had counseling and that has helped. Was her adoption a wonderful story, sometimes. Was my giving her up a private h**l, sometimes. But life goes on, we can only go forward.

Answer 9

I was adopted by my grandparents after my father was killed and my mother was unable to care for me.

I was youn enough that I didn't remember being adopted and my grandparents decided not to tell me.

I grew up believing they were my real parents. I found out by accident at 9. I didn't tell them I knew until I was 14.

I had a lot of resentment towads them for lying to me during my teen years and I always wanted to find my birth mother.

I found my birth mother when I was 18 and have had a good relationship with her ever since (I'm now 35).

As an adult I understand that adopting was in my best interest and that it saved me from all kinds of bad things...My birth mother never got her act together enough to raise any of her 4 kids.

I personally think the biggest mistake my adoptive parents made was not telling me I was adopted.

Answer 10

I was adopted,  and had the most wonderful parents anyone could ask for, and I know who my bio Mother is and have had contact with her for years, I am thankful for her unselfish decision to give me up for adoption as she could not have given me the life that I had.I am now in my 60's and have no regrets. I was lucky enough to have it all.

Answer 11

i am real and so are my stories. Lori A (another member here) is my birthmother and her stories are real too.

i have way too many to list here, but if you want to contact her or myself we are both open to this-i offer that to everyone. we are the real deal folks. we are the "happy ending" everyone hopes for when they start their search. it was nerve wracking, scary and wonderful. she is my best friend and i simply dont know what i would do without her.

we found my biofather. he is more than i could have ever expected. i loved him the first time i made eye contact. even as i sit here and write to you i picture his face in my mind and i smile. he literally warms my heart.

maybe some do elaborate and lie, but some of us are honest and real. it really does end happy sometimes.

again, feel free to contact me, i will reply, so will my mother, Lori A, we dont pull any punchs, it is what it is. thats all.

happy new year to you and your loved ones

Answer 12

I grew up with ok aparents.  They weren't great.  they were nothing like me and kind of into themselves.  My adad would point out homeless people to me in our town and then laugh at me when I cried.  "There's your boyfriend!" he'd joke as I sobbed int he backseat for the poor homeless man.

My Dad cheated on my mom and eventually left her when I was a teenager.  That kind of sucked.

Still, my parents tried to be there for me.  They taught me good manners and sent me to good schools.  We went on nice vacations and celebrated holidays with family.  I felt loved for the most part and secure if not understood.  But lots of kids feel that way.  They weren't perfect but it was ok.

For the most part a normal childhood.

And by the way, that's ok with me, I have never been foolish or entitled enough to think I deserved a better childhood for any reason especially because I was adopted.  My family is my family, I get that.

I've never been one to wallow anyway.

Soooo... I met my firstmom last year after finding this on a.com:

'I gave birth to a baby girl on June XX, 197X sometime close to 9:30 pm at XXXXX Hospital in XXXXX. At the moment of birth, I had a gas mask clamped over my face unexpectedly, and went unconscious. When I awoke, my baby was gone, and no one would give me any information. This was completely unexpected, as I had clearly communicated with my social worker that I wanted to see and hold my baby at birth, and during the time I stayed in the hospital. I was finally able to see my baby the next day. After seeing her beautiful face and holding her precious body to mine, I decided I could not give her up for adoption, even though my circumstances were poor. I was young, uneducated, and without financial resources. I did not want to raise my child in my abusive father's home, but at that moment I decided I would make it work. I called to my family home in x*x to let my parents know I would be returning with my daughter. On a payphone in the hallway outside my maternity ward room I learned that my mother had just been diagnosed with terminal lymphoma. "Keeping that baby is the most selfish thing you could do! You are needed here to help your mother," I was told. I relinquished Baby Girl M with great guilt and remorse. The pain is still there. Please help me find her.'

Life changing and affirming.  And very interesting.  My aparents were told a very different story than the one my firstmom and eventually my records did.

I don't have a problem with being adopted.  I never thought of it much as i grew up, you get what you get, you know?

So now, I'm processing everything while struggling to have a realtionship of some kind with my first family.  It's not easy but we're managing.

And my aparents and abrother are still my family too, warts and all.  This is the life I've been given and I'm determined to make the best of it. Having a hot husband and two gorgeous children helps too.  It makes all the difference in fact.

In many ways, family is the people who love you and my firstmom has loved me all my life so she counts too.

So that's a brief summary of my "real" adoption story.  Let the thumbs begin!!!

Answer 13

Something that really happened huh, Um, well

In July I flew from my home in London to New York to visit the Agency that handled my adoption.   I had questions upon questions upon questions.  I really wanted to know if twins run in my family or if it was possible to get updated medical information for the sake of my own kids plus endless other questions.

Do you know what I got for my 3,000 mile flight and high hopes of discovering the truth of my origins?  I got

"Heather, your birth is none of your business"

Nice huh

Answer 14

This is going to take up a lot of space...are you ready?

I am real.  My birthday is 7-24-69.  Adoption date 7-26-69

I am adopted.  I was adopted at 2 days old from Irving Mem. Hosptial (now Baylor at Irving)

My bmom was 35 yrs old, married and had 3 teenage children.  She was/is from St. Louis, MO and found Handy, Morgan attorney's in the paper or phone book or something...I'm not sure - but she found them on her own when she came down here to have me.  Why she traveled from MO to TX to have a baby, I don't know.  Does her husband know?  Was her husband my father?

I know she was small, dark hair and big blue eyes.

Handy, Morgan were family friends of my parents.  My parents wanted to adopt and when they started the process, the attorneys didn't know of my bmom.  When bmom announced she wanted to give me up - they called my mom and dad and sd they had a baby girl for them.  The attorney (Mr Handy) picked me up at the hospital and took me to my parents house.

My mom told me I was adopted when I was 5 so its always been a part of me and not a big deal. My mom is my mom.  My late dad is my daddy.

(short version)

I love my parents, fairly well-adjusted, haven't looked for my bfamily - but am getting curious about my siblings.

I also have given a child up for adoption but don't wanna take up any more room!  :)

Edit:  HAHAHA I get thumbs down for my life?

Answer 15

Boy what a question.  I have a real story but it's nothing like what i read and I pray everyday that if my son doesn't get his son home what damages are going to be done to this wonderful little boy.

    My son has a daughter from the same mother. My son caught her cheating while he was a work. They broke up and she moved in with another guy. he had to take her to court to see his daughter but her own lawyer said he couldn't find her. She was pregnant and my son didn't know the child was his or even that she was pregnant (she hid from him)

  Long story short she gave the baby to her new boyfriends family in a state 1,400 miles away. He has been fighting for him for over 2 years. He finally get vitiation with his son. The adopted parents knew about this father but didn't care.

   He gets to see his son a weekend every month and this summer for all of July. If the court finally rule in his favor maybe his son will come home for good.

  This little boy calls him dad and goes with him real good. He also talks to his big sister which is 4.

   Now this couple in court that said their in no way she could have a child is pregnant. What is going to happen to this little angel . Are they going to treat him different since they can't adopt him? Is he going to grow up not trusting the illegal system.?

Answer 16

I recently got copies of my hospital records from when I gave birth to my son.

I found out that I had signed a pre-birth contract, which I do not remember, and obviously never got a copy of.

I found out that the woman who facilitated the adoption of my son (and invited herself to the hospital when I gave birth), is listed on my hospital records as "patient's friend"! (I guess I shouldn't be surprised as now I know that's how it works; social worker befriends you, gets your baby, and then your "friend" the social worker disappears. What's that saying, with friends like that you don't need enemies?)

I found out that only 3 days after giving birth to my son I was taken to court to sign irrevocable termination of parental rights to my son.

You know, I walked out of my dentists office a couple of weeks ago with complete details of the procedures and a full page of instructions of what to do if I had any problems or questions. Yet, I was allowed to leave the hospital without a single piece of paper regarding the birth of my son; I left the court without being given a single document.

I have more anger over losing my son today than I've ever had over the past 23+ years since losing him.

Adoption - the "gift" that keeps on giving.

Answer 17

i was one day old and put up for adoption. i was adopted by a great aunt and great uncle that had no kids. i was lucky. they raised me and i think i turned out great. what else can there be? i have a religion and i have a good sense of worth and i am ok.

Answer 18

I think I'm offended.

I have never written one thing that is not true about any of my or my family's extensive adoption experiences.

Answer 19

I just want to start of by saying that some people have good adoptive parents and some don't, just as some people have good natural parents and some don't.  Just because someone had good adoptive parents and/or not so great natural parents doesn't mean adoption is all great, and vice versa.  Some people were better off with their adoptive families, and some people really would have been just fine, if not better off, with their natural parents, it's just that the times and/or other pressures wouldn't allow for it.

Okay, so about my adoption.  I was relinquished at 13 months old when my natural parents divorced.  I was placed at almost 2 years old and then adopted 6 months later.  My adoptive father was great until I was no longer a toddler.  Then, his abuse started.  My adoptive mother drank, I think to deal with my afather's abusive ways to everyone in the family.  I was close with my  younger brother, who was their natural son.

On the other hand, I got a good education, never had to worry about things like having an apartment or house to live in or having enough food.  We were far from rich, but we had enough to be just fine.  I had a decent relationship with my adoptive mother, who learned after a while to be her own woman, and to protect her children from her husband.  So, it was a real mix of good and bad.  The toughest part was that no matter what, I was frequently reminded that I didn't "fit" with the rest of the family.  My natural personality, talents, interests and so forth varied greatly from the other three family members, and this was not considered acceptable.  That was tough to take.

I struggled a lot during my early adult years with emotional difficulties, such as very low self-esteem and a strong fear of abandonment.  With the love of friends, my God and a great husband, I now have a very good life and am at peace most of the time.  With God's help, I have begun the journey of forgiving my adoptive father.  I've learned that forgiveness doesn't have to mean denying the truth, it means letting go of all the fear and resentment despite the truth.  We have been estranged for many, many years.  Whether or not there will ever be a relationship only time will tell.  My adoptive mother is passed away.

I am reunited with my natural family, and it has been a great six year reunion.  I did not search in order to replace my adoptive family.  Searching and reunion isn't about that.  I just wanted to know my natural people.  It's not about picking one over the other.  It's two different types of relationships.  One does not negate the other.

I now fight for the reinstatement of unconditional access by adult adopted citizens to the factual records of the own births.  This is a right that our non-adopted counterparts have.  Unequal treatment under the law is discrimination.  I stand with dignity as an adopted citizen, and I expect the state to treat me with dignity as well.

Answer 20

I was adopted at birth but didn't find out until I was 57 years old.  I suspected, but not because of how I was treated.  I have a medical problem, so an aunt though I finally needed to know, and I felt relieved, because I thought I was crazy for thinking I had been adopted when nobody ever said anything for so long!

Now I find out that my birthday might not be my real birthday, but I could possibly be four months older than I thought.

Bummer...

Also, I was a grey market baby, not officially adopted, but handed over to my parents by the doctor.

Everything was kept a secret, and no papers were filled out in my birth parents' names, because the doctor wanted to make sure that nobody could ever trace anything.

It really sucks.

My son and grandson are sick all the time, and I have no medical background info which could possibly help them.  

Also, I want to know my heritage.

It's not fun discovering that all you knew about yourself turned out to be a LIE!

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Female born sometime in 1949, maybe at LaRocca's Hospital in Algiers, Louisiana, possibly to a wealthy family who didn't want my birth mother to keep me and shame their family.  She might have gone to college "up north", but I don't know if that means northern Louisiana or waaaaay up north.

------------

LIES CAN HURT!

...

Answer 21

In June of 1999, I went to Catholic Human Services to see about adoption. I met with the counselor, and we did decide that for the time being, it would be best. But if something were to happen that I could keep the baby, I would keep her. I looked through portfolios and picked 3. I got a call from Doree that one of the adoptive parents had flown in and were in the area, all on a whim. They had a feeling, and so did I. learned by talking with them that, my middle name and mom's was the same. We had the same religious beliefs.  And had alot in common. They already had an oder boy, I had one son at the time, so she would have an older brother to bug her no matter where she went.

When I gave birth to her, it was 9-9-99.

I do see and keep in contact with her. She has the life I want. She models, does gymnastics, rides horses, sails, surfs, does ballet. All sorts of things that I never had the opportunity to do.

She knows exactly who I am. She calls me birthma.

Answer 22

My "real" confession today is about the family I made up as a teenager dealing with being adopted.

After my amom died I felt as though I was truly a "throw away" child. First my nmom got rid of me, then my amom's family and finally my adad when he remarried 10 months after my amom passed away. I had no place within my own family and was nothing more than a burden. I developed a fantasy family in my mind and used it as a way to feel that connection I was lacking in reality.

I gave myself a "birth" name , Eternity Summer Rainbow Leanna Hillary Bridgette Smith-Carruthers. Three names from my "mom" and three names from my "dad". I had siblings out the yang! River and Leaf were twin brothers 4 years younger, Ruby and Jade were twin sisters 14 years younger, Angelique was older by 2 years and was also adopted, but by my "grandparents", Faith was 7 years younger and Jonah was younger by 2 years. I had aunts and uncles, cousins, grandparents and parents. They all loved me, unlike the family I was living with. Not one of these imaginary people ever made me feel worthless or "bad". They loved me without conditions. They made me feel wanted at a time when I wasn't valued by anyone.

How sad is that? At 15 I had to have imaginary friends to fill my life with love. This may not be "real" in the sense of being made up but the emotions behind it all still haunt me. I have no need for them anymore and have outgrown my made up family in the same way a child outgrows a blanket or pacifier. I haven't thought about "them" very much in the last 10 years. I feel such sorrow for the girl I was. Tonight, for me, adoption really sucks.

Answer 23

I, too, was adopted through Catholic Charities.  My adoptive parents cared for me.  I felt like they loved me as much as they loved their three bio children (that they had after me).  They did the best they could.  Their divorce made that difficult, but they still showed all four of their children as much love as they could muster.

Despite being loved and cared for, I have felt like an outsider all of my life.  I felt as though I had to take care of myself and find my own way through life.  I don't think my adoptive parents did anything wrong.  But there was something missing.  Something I'm only now beginning to understand since I've found my first mother.

That's what so many people seem to fail to understand.  Adoption can have good outcomes.  Good things can come from adoption.  I love my adoptive family, and I'm glad I know them.  That's a positive.  But that doesn't change the fact that something bad happened at the beginning of my life.  People like to point out that some parents cannot or do not care for their children and thus conclude that it's better to give up the child.  That might be true.  But the point is, that inability to care is itself a bad event that happened to the child.  At its core, adoption is about loss.  The child lost it's original parents.  That loss can be made worse if the child was actually neglected by its original parents.  That means there was pain right at the beginning of the child's life.  And if the parents did care, but had to give the child up because of pressure from family or elsewhere, that too is a loss.  Adoption is born in tragedy.  It doesn't matter if the child feels it (though many report being affected the rest of their lives).  The fact is, that adoption only happens because of something bad happening (sometimes, several bad things).  

For that reason, if nothing else, adoption is not something to celebrate.  I understand the child may be better off, but it doesn't make the original tragedy any less tragic.

Answer 24

Since so many have told stories from their own point of view, I'll try a different direction...

Whenever I talked about my adoption as a child, I only talked with my mom.  Somehow HER position in my life was the thing I questioned.  I never questioned MY presence in her life...I was a kid, and of course I thought the world revolved around me.  It is only in the last year or two that I realized that I never, not once spoke to my dad about my adoption.  I think he radiated a peace and a calm and a loving presence that just did not need to be questioned or challenged.  

Until just recently I was living in Europe, in a country where adoption is still not widely accepted, and certainly not spoken about openly.  It just so happens that a good friend there had a daughter from a previous (very short, very troubled) marriage.  Her second husband (who reminds me so much of my own dad) wanted to adopt his step-daughter...but the family, society, nay-sayers were whipsering in his ear and making him pause when he knew in his heart that he should just go rushing in.  I pulled him aside one day and told him about me, and my story, and how I thought my dad was THE person who came closest to offering me perfectly unconditional love.  I was the only person he knew that could talk to him with the authority of personal experience.  Although talking openly about my adoption was rather a big shock for him, it was also the thing that finally made him act.  They are all very happy that the situation they all felt in their hearts is now "official."    And I like to think that I played a small part in that.

Answer 25

I am adopted and have 2 adopted children-  I am almost 50 years old and my adoption records are closed- and I have a biological sister that is 10 years older than me. I have never really had the desire to search them out, more for them, then for me- why?  Because I know that my birth mom loved me enough to give me life, and place me in the arms of my adopted mom and dad- which by the way are my real parents.  I love my birth mom for choosing life- and for those who will say- abortions were not legal then, they were still done.  Then when I got married- I was diagnosed with a disease that could make it very difficult if I got pregnant, so my husband and I decided to adopt- because of my positive experience.  We have two children- a 15 year old daughter, and a 19 year old son- our son just met his birth family and actually is visiting them for a month-  very positive here-  however, this does not negate the fact that some stories are not as positive.

Answer 26

Well I was adopted 37 years ago. It was a closed adoption. I have been very frustrated by the fact that I can not find out any info regarding my birth parents. No names, nothing. The organization I was adopted through, Catholic Charities would like me to pay them $300 to do a search that may or may not come up with anything! Another thing I would like to say about adoption is, my parents adopted 2 children and had one biological child. While I never felt like they cared more for one or the other, I do remember and still do feel a sense of lonliness and a feeling of not fitting in, no matter how hard I try. I really believe a child's personality is something they are born with and receive from their biological parents. I love my adopted parents with all my heart, but I still have that wondering every single day about my biological family.

Answer 27

I was born in 1986 to a wonderful 20 year old woman. My adoptive parents and my birthmother exchanged letters and pictures for the first two years of my life. When I was two my parents asked my birthmom if she would like to meet me and she had to think about but decided that she would like to meet me. I can happily say we have been in each others lives since then. I was in her wedding, I'm close to her kids (my half siblings), and her family. My parents and birthmom are also close. I never once have wanted to alter any part of my life. I am happy and proud to say I am an adoptee.

Answer 28

You know I just answered a similar question, about adoption being fabulous, but I told the truth. Oops, that question seems to have disapeared.  You know how it is--they don't like something they pretend it doesn't exisit.

Mine sorta reads like that book The Glass Castle, but the parents are meaner, and not as interesting.

God Bless Adoption.

Answer 29

I was in the foster care system at 18 months and that is the age i was placed with my adoptive parents. They adopted me at the age of 4. They are caucasin and I'm bi-racial. They have provided and cared for me and they love me very much. This is just a short version of my story, don't have time to write.

So, what is your adoption story?

Answer 30

I'm not sure who you are referring to on this site.  Most of the people on here are either people who have adopted or adoptees.  I am 32 and was adopted from Korea at the age of 23 months old.  I had a very normal, happy childhood and feel very positive towards adoption.  My parents had 2 biological children then felt led by God to adopt a child.  My father is a minister so their religious "calling" is a large presence in their lives.  I have a wonderful family, not perfect, but they are great for me.  I am happily married and have no qualms, regrets, or bitterness about being adopted.  I feel for those who do and hope they are able to one day find peace.  I've never wanted to seek out a r'ship with my birth parents although it would be almost impossible even if I wanted that.  I was simply dropped off by someone on the doorstep so no one knows very much about where I came from or who dropped me off.  All they can say is that I was 17 months when I was left on the doorstep, so I was with my birth mother for at least that long.  I can't imagine how difficult that was for her to make that choice.  My records say I was severely malnourished when they got me, so I'm guessing she just felt she could not care for me the way a child deserves.  I personally feel God blessed me with a new chance, a new family, and all the love a child could have but that is my truth, my experience.  I genuinely wish everyone who was adopted had a good experience but from reading things on here, I see that isn't true and it just breaks my heart.

Answer 31

Here's the REAL story of my adoption.  I was adopted as an infant, always knew I was adopted, never gave it much thought beyond if I looked like someone, I had good a parents, though not without their faults.  Yes, my life could have been better or it could have been worse.  I found my b mother in sept 2007, realized I was better off to have been adopted but we are working on a relationship.  My adoption 'issues' didnt come about until after I found her.  I wanted a mother-daughter relationship with her, that's not going to happen, but we are friends.  I am hurt about that, but moving on.  The End