Writers Block...long time since my last poem...critique please!!?

Question

I have a bad case of writers block!

I need to show you what it means to be who you are,

I've been living a lie and I want to make things right.

You see my heart separates every time I let you in,

So now look at me and tell me where should I begin.

I am a maniac who is in his right mind,

So tell me how can I leave myself behind.

I smoke, I drink, I try and be someone I'm not,

Cause in the end, it's the only god d**n thing I've got.

I have my girlfriend she is losing time,

She's dwelling on me when I was in my prime,

Well today I sit before the jury of a court of loneliness,

That's right I am on trial for taking to the rest.

Hey love affair wont you sing me to sleep,

I want to see what I'm like in my dreams.

Will any mirror reflect my own face,

I figure it out, am I really such a disgrace.

I hurt, I bleed, and I have seen everything,

So what makes the difference between you and me.

I guess I can admit that in this world I mean nothing,

I can't wait till you relies this to.

Answer 1

so far so good, this is just my personal preference but try to use more multi-sylable rhymes.

ie: rest away, stressed to say ; emulate, tell them wait, etc.

also talk about your future, like what you expect to achieve or what you will do with your life.

Answer 2

Your little flying machine flutters, floats...and then flops. I wanted a more powerful ending. You are a good writer. Your rhythm here is very tight.

Answer 3

Apart from the ending, I like this.

The second to last paragraph is very good. It has a good idea and you deliver it well, but I'd think about changing the last one. I think the last line isn't very original, as many poems end like this, so I'd try for something bolder.

Whenever I get writer's block, I take some paper and a pen with me everywhere I go and any chance I get, I write down anything, as random as they are sometimes, that comes to mind. It's a good way to capture emotions and I find that it takes the stress out of writer's block.

Answer 4

well you dont indcate on a personal note that this is more creative rather than serious personal emotional distress so it scares me a little. like I posted some lyrics that yahoo took off like I knew they would because I am on the hit list. but it was kind of gloomy but it was in retrospect of something and I told people that so they wouldnt call 911 for me to take in to st lukes behavioral health care system.

if u take the "i drink i somke" out of there its really pretty dang GOOD

Answer 5

It doesnt sound like you have writers block to me this is great. Im really excited to be reading great poetry maybe I will try writing some too!