Writing a story, need some honest opinions, it's been in my head for years.?

Question

I'm writing a story and I want to know what you think. I also need a suggestion for a title. The story is about a young girl (Aeryn Jones), who's boyfriend (Luke Martin) killed himself, she's got a group of very close friends (who will play an important part in the story even though she has moved away from them). Her mom (Missy Jones) gets a job offer in a town 2.5 hours away and she moves Aeryn and her brother, Grady. They move into an old house. I have given some description on the home, but I will go into further details as the story progresses. The initial plot of the story is that Aeryn finds something in the home and it helps her come to terms with her boyfriend's suicide and ultimately helps her find love again. The things she finds in the home (in a hidden compartment) also help her solve a mystery that has "plagued" the town for years. Can you tell me what you think about it so far?

Answer 1

Wow it sounds really good. When You finish it would you mind telling me so i can read the whole book. My husband reads almost constantly i feel as if i have a library in my home.  

Answer 2

Sounds very good, I want to read it all now!

Answer 3

You could name it something like 'The Compartment' or 'The Hidden Compartment'

Hope this inspires something.

>>sounds like a good story<<

Answer 4

You are very talented. Thank you for your ideas for me. It helped with a "break-through!"  You got the touch girl!

XXXXX

Answer 5

Plot sounds good.  Don't have your heroine pouting at the beginning.  You can have her sad, but pouting doesn't engage our sympathies.  Personally, I think there are too many green-eyed people in books lately.  

Here's an important tip: Every time you use the word "start," check and see if there's another way to say it.  "Her bright green eyes started to fill up with tears," could be said, "Her green eyes filled."  Period.  There's something about "started to [verb]" that's often awkward, unless you're using it in a situation where the action is interrupted ("He started to answer -- then came the gunshot."

http:www.bkedits.com

Answer 6

ohhh, I really like it! I work for a company called Book Divas. We have an online book club website that you should check out and maybe post some of your stuff, or ask some of the other members about. It's at www.bookdivas.com

Answer 7

Very good opening.  The descriptions of the friends are very in depth and short.

Keep writing and the title will pop into your head when its time.

Remember to use spell check but don't rely on it.  If you put in say when you intended saw, spell check won't tell you you used the wrong word.  And if you break the rules of grammar on purpose spell check can be a real pain.

Good luck, write some every day.

Answer 8

You need to post in on www.fictionpress.com

Number one, it is automatically copy-righted when you post it on there.

Second, people will comment about it too.

Happy writing, and oh-it was good!

Answer 9

sounds interesting ... I would read it

ideas for titles ... hmmm ...

accepting suicide

moving on

plagued

Aeryn Dancing

I think I would need to know more minor details that you wish to bring out in the story to come up with better title ideas, but you have an awsome start!

Answer 10

Wow that's really good so far. Except you probably shouldn't say "etc" in a story, it's just not something you say. just like you wouldn't say 'pyjamas' in a pop song.

Answer 11

You have my interest. Sounds like you have a good plot and the opening reads well. I think it's too early to have a title ... it will come as the story progresses. Good luck.

Answer 12

even though I didnt read it all and I hate literature, yours actually sounds very interesting..Go for it..you got me, a "book hater" interested..

Answer 13

Your writing is beautiful and you are very capable of flowing with your words. I personally started reading it and was already becoming interested, if its inside of you and has been for years, and this is what the start of it sounds like, then maybe it is time for it to come out!

The only thing I will say, is be careful that it doesn't become too predictable, like one of those corny lifetime or hallmark movies. There is a very fine line between sweet and corny.

Good luck!

Maybe I will see it on a book shelf in borders in a few years!

Answer 14

that was soo great. honestly, you got my full and complete attention :) your a VERY amazing writer. keep up the great work!

Answer 15

Wow, I think that this will be a marvelous story. I definitely like what you've provided us with :) Well done, keep writing. i'd buy it if it was ever published :) *hopefully it will be ;)*

I love all the descriptions you've given of the friends, excellent work :)

Title: Came to hate, Learnt to love... (because she didn't want to move, she hated that factor. But you said that she falls in love again...)

or

Recovering Treasures...(Aeryn finds something in the house that helps her recover, and fall in love again...)

Oh and I just cried when I read the part where she's talking to Luke in the photo :'(

Hope this helps at least a bit :)