Writing book final part of 1st chap and intro.. tell me what you think?

Question

Then he turned around and looked at oleg and started to talk “oleg I think that your whole family is dead.” He looked into the mirror a few times and started up the car and drove away. There was a silence in the car that seened if broken could kill them too. So they drove for a few hours. Then dimetry asked “oleg do you want to go to your uncles house.” Oleg only sruged his shouldedrs, so dimitry took that as a yes. A few hours later they finaly got to there distination. Olegs uncle Peter was waiting for them but oleg was fast asleep, So dimitry took him out of the car and carried him in to the house. Peter was drinking vodka so dimitry knew that peter knew what had happed. Peter looked at dimitry and started to talk. “what are we going to do with oleg now that his father is gone. And who would have the ball to kill the head of the Russian mafia.” Peter looked up at dimitry and started to talk. Well there are a lot of people that would like to have killed him but why where there not a lot of people at the house. There was always 20 people that stayed there and protected the whole family.” Dimitry looked at peter and started to talk. ”well you see all of them where sent to get stuff for the party. This is because igor was not thinking about his enemies but was thinking about his sons birthday party.” Peter looked up at dimitry and looked a bit suprized and asked “that was today. Man I totally forgot about that. And he called me last week and told me. But then that means I would have brought the men I have with me. I think that he was counting on me to show up and provide the protection.” Dimitry looked at peter and said “go no further it was not your fault but igor because he was depending on something to go his way even though he him self says “if you live by luck then you will die young.” But he was counting on you not on him self. Then peter said it’s 1 in the morning go get some rest. As dimitry was about to say some thing the door bell rang and peter started to walk to words the door. When he opened it up he saw some of igor’s man standing outside. The older one looked scared and started to ask questions. “what happed to igor’s house, and were is he.” Peter looked down and repied. “igor is dead and some one hired SWAT to take out him.” The man turned pale but peter turned around and started to walk back in to his house a few feet him he stopeded and said. “you guys can come in and I will tell one of my guy to get you some rooms.” The rest of the night was very long because of all of Igors people that came to his house.

Answer 1

I'm not sure exactly what you want to know.

I will say It sounds like a good story and it kept me interested.

I had trouble due to the grammar and spelling errors.

Good luck with your writing!

Answer 2

what i notice the most is when you write the dialog, you use  a sort of cause and efffect thing. it's almost like a listing of actions and not enough story telling.  first this and then that and then he said this and that so that happened with this and that!! it gets repetive to me. Also there's teh run on sentence thing.. but other than those things youre okay

Answer 3

wow u have some raw talent. there are a few run on sentences here and there but with a little editing you could have a best seller. Keep up the fantastic work!!!!