Question:

Written Poem - Need feedback on

by  |  earlier

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This is a song I wrote, as I am a dancer. Anyone is free to comment on this and give me some feedback. It makes a lot more sense to any serious dancers out there, this one's for us!

Any feedback would be amazing, as in if what your idea of this song is about. You're comments will help me make it an actual poem (this one is pretty rough). I appreciate it. Thank you!!!

* In Love and Dance *

A simple story I sing along

A somebody with a passion

The relationship of love and pain

All in connecting with the art of dance

Just someone who dreams big

Always with disappointment involved

But what trips her only makes her stronger, people say

Lifes not always what it seems

Another carries her heart and allows her to fly

Without trying, he knows just how

She knows the truth behind it all

but still you make everything feel alright, so right.

And there she falls asleep to a love song

A sigh of joy as she dreams of something special

Opens her eyes, shes beside a blank wall,

Another day gets added to being alone

Enlightened by a dark room

Surrounded by a bare floor

A beat of music is all she needs,

Moves her body to her feelings of dispair

A glance in the mirror at the reflection

Two steps backward; wonders if shes proud of who she is

Four steps forward; water in her eyes and a rough yet little smile

And so she danced because it was the only thing that made perfect sense

Rhythums of sadness seem to be her favourite

It allows her to glide around this place

She doesn't want this moment to go away

Because finally she feels the courage to continue with her unchanged self

This space of desire, and hope brings magic

At least, she feels alive and that she belongs

Feeling so free

Dance is her heartbeat. This dance Floor is her breathing room.

Back to reality

Where it's the place to bring her down hard again

Always on the same ride you put me on

You'll never catch her, oh there she goes dancing flawlessly

Cuz dancing picks her up off the dirt life brings

Keep making my life a living h**l and push me down

I will surprise you, I can make it, over and over again

Dancing keeps her higher and better than you.

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2 ANSWERS


  1. Cuz is not a word


  2. i read the first few lines then got bored didn't read the rest but i have a very short attention span so am sure it is very good

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