Wrong reasons to adopt?

Question

I hear people saying right or wrong reasons to adopt in a lot of questions. It got me thinking what are the wrong reasons to adopt? What are the right ones?

Answer 1

Well, one wrong reason would be to replace a child that has died. Or to have someone to be a slave. I'm not saying these are true. But you asked for wrong reasons to adopt and these are the two wrongest reasons i could think of. Oh and that case in 1995(it was a dateline special) where a girl was adopted from russia by a guy that sexual abused her. I have to say that was the grossest thing i had ever heard to adopt.

But not all adoptive parents adopt for the wrong reasons. Most couples or people want to have a family and providing a home for a child that needs a family is one way to do that. People who adopt have a huge heart and they want to share a family bond with a child.

Answer 2

If you have it in your heart to give a baby a home then good. If you are able and qualified to do so then why not?

You'll find on here that most people JUMP at that chance to judge other.... Probably to make themselves feel better.

There are wrong reasons to adopt, like to try to mend a broken family or to look like a hero. but there are far more reasons TO adopt that are right.

most of these rediculious statements are coming from someone who flaunts that she has 3 biological children. IT must mustt have been that bad for her.

Answer 3

Thanks for giving me an opportunity to answer, Freedom.

Right ones?

A child is a true orphan--both parents are dead.

A child is without other family willing to adopt them.

A child has abusive, drug or alcohol addicted parents.

A child who has abusive parents.

That's it,  IMO.  Lack of money or education is not valid.  Those are 'constraints' that can easily change with help from others.

There are more wrong than I could possibly list here.

******

To another poster:

That's what this mother of 3 believes.  It's a shame that people who claim to be 'over' their infertility 'issues' feel the need to silence or shame others who have children.  A woman here on Y!A, (I believe wrongly) believes she is infertile.  She asked for advice. I gave her the best advice I could give based on my experiences.  Do you wish infertility on her? Do you need adoption to be her only option, too?

You can't expect the world to walk on eggshells because you don't share the same experience. Believe me, I know LOSS. I lost my MOTHER at birth, and you tell me it's a miracle!

Answer 4

If only one parent wants to adopt and the other doesn’t or give in  then I think that is a wrong reason to adopt.

If someone wants to adopt to replace a child that died, that is a wrong reason to adopt. (also applies to bio kids)

If someone wants to adopt in hopes it will hold their marriage or family together, that is a wrong reason to adopt. (also applies to bio kids)

If your adopting solely because you think it will make you look good.

If you truly don’t want kids but feel its expected of you, i.e. mom wants to be a grandma etc. (also applies to bio kids)

Totally agree with this Florida Gal

"but there are far more reasons TO adopt that are right."

Answer 5

the only wrong reason i can think of is if you do it in hopes of salvaging a marriage or keeping you busy/company.

otherwise there are so many children without a family and we need more people willing to adopt.

Answer 6

its the same as having a baby. If you adopt so someone will love you, or to keep your marrage together, or to prove some kind of a point, then its wrong. A child cannot solve your problems.

If you adopt because you have love to share with a child, and want to raise them and teach them, then thats the right reason.

Answer 7

I think the list above by spirit_s is a very good list of reasons NOT to adopt. (or have bio children really)

I would also add that I think that if you haven't been able to have children of your own - and you haven't grieved that loss - then you shouldn't adopt. (at least not until you've come to peace with that loss)

Adopting a child will not replace the child you were never able to have.

The adoptee with parents in this situation has far too much weight on their shoulders to be what they just can't be - the bio child that never was.

People should come to adoption that want to give love to a child that would otherwise not get love. Then love that child for who THEY are - not for who you want them to be.

Answer 8

If you just want a baby to love you maybe you shouldn't adopt. If you just want to find love by adopting maybe you shouldn't adopt. Don't use a new born to fill something in your life that isn't there. USUALLY those feelings are used against the child down the road. I have heard HORROR stories about child abuse with adoptive children. That's sad! That baby didn't ask to be put into that family that now beats it and blames the child for everything they are doing wrong.

Oh by the way MOST babies aren't just given away like trash by birth mothers. They went through ten months of being pregnant to give their baby a better life isn't wrong. If a young girl doesn't believe she can afford to raise a baby, their are LOVING people that want to adopt babies out there. I think OPEN Adoption is an OPTION. You get to pick the family that your baby should grow up with. You get to make that decision instead of letting an adoption agency just hand random strangers a baby. Giving up a child isn't the easiest decision to make. You live with the decision for years to come. Letting go of this little precious angel is a KIND and selfless act. The decision to let your baby go to a family that has everything you can't offer is an ACT of LOVE.

Some girls get pregnant and get abortions. Some girls get pregnant and give birth to babies and throw them in trash cans. Now think about it when a young women or young teenager want to go through ten months of being pregnant and then decides to let the baby go home with loving people. That's LOVE! TWO people get a brand new start, a second chance at life; a baby and the Birth mother. The choice was made Life over DEATH.  

Their are people in this world that have NO business adopting children or fostering children..

Answer 9

I asked a question like this before, and someone told me that there are lot of people who feel that it is wrong to give away your child. Maybe that has something to do with it??

I dont think there are any wrong reasons. You are giving love to a child who has no one loving it. Case closed. IMHO it's better than having your own because those kids are already HERE waiting for a family.