Wrote a new poem....let me know how good it is?

Question

lucid dreaming

brings me life with meaning

as i lose my grip

reality begins to slip

awakening to the slap of a hand

exiting my dreary little dreamland

wondering what to do

does she goes through it too

obscene gestures

the thought still festers

dragging through the day

until i find another way

what do you think...honestly?!!

Answer 1

LOVE IT!

Answer 2

very good indeed! ... do u have more?

Answer 3

wow.. this is really really artistically worded. i really liked it alot.

Answer 4

Awesome! Love that it makes me think, and I can picture a scene in my mind. You're very talented!!! And beautifully written.

Answer 5

I think you should add more,

because it sounds good so far.

:)

Answer 6

Its good. I like poems that make you think.

Answer 7

i think its really good. like deep. good job :] :]

Answer 8

Thatman 2,

UMMM, why did she slap you in the face or is that any of our business? Ok, let's help you with your poem, then! For a short verse sonnet, it is drawn out too far in some places! Get to the point quicker because it seems that you want it to end faster than you can write it! Practice visualizing more with two words than you can write with ten! Observe...

IN BED

Lucid dream

Felt like steam

Starts to break

I'm wide awake

My body slow

To gain control

I start to stand

No more dreamland

The first to do's

Slip on houseshoes

I call to her

Moans an answer

Shower and brush

Apply and rush

A kiss goodbye

Til evening's nigh

I work for means

She cooks and cleans

After five I'm beat

Til our eyes meet

Have dinner and wine

Then relax and recline

Some TV 'til ten

Up the stairs again

A kiss goodnight

Out goes the light

We put pillow to head

Sound asleep in bed

And dream away

Until 6 the next day

Poems like this need to end back to the beginning to make them more entertaining no matter how boring the subject is. It will still make the reader look for the ending... you were going out the other side of the door before you could go in....

Grade  C -

Answer 9

the thing i admire in your poem is the feeling u want 2 convey. u r quite clear with that.

i would like 2 suggest u never 2 ask for others openion because poems are born from heart and anything from heart is sacred and sacred things should not be judged.

Answer 10

It's great!