Wrote a poem..what do you think of it?

Question

overlooking the shadows of doubt

the feelings fill

never complete, always walking about

the sudden thrill

the rush of adrenaline

brings me up so high

i dont know if i can do it again

i feel like i should die

the answers never so near

the future scares me

the solutions are never so clear

i want to run and flea

to a life of ease

just sitting around all day

doing as i please

maybe i can find a way

it doesnt always work as planned

perhaps another time another way

but, deep in my heart i know i am damned

honest answers only please!!

Answer 1

I think that this poem is really beautiful, honestly I do. You have talent. Sometimes I feel that way too, you know, like there are so many questions, but never the answer that you are looking for or there's that one ray of hope and life just snatches it away. I know how you feel and that's why I really like your poem. =]

Answer 2

I'd say anytime you use fillers, don't!

get read of every the. always, about,  so, etc. the more description the better. A wise teacher once told me that the best way to learn how you truly feel, is to write about something you've never experienced. For example, if you have never experienced abuse, hopefully you haven't, write about it. if you are male, write in the perspective of a female. This makes you use creative ways to write and guess how others feel, therefore making it easier to do so yourself.

and lastly, before I edit your piece, understand that my advice is in no way professional, or does it need to be taken, it is simply my own opinion, and if there is something that you absolutely love about this poem, and i don't for goodness sake's leave it the way you want it. this is YOUR poem.

Good luck with your future writing!

overlooking shadows of doubt

feelings fill (but what does it fill?)

never complete (but what isn't complete?), walking (where?)

sudden thrill (or maybe even plural thrill(s)?)

rush of adrenaline

brings me up so high (this is OK, but compare it to something, like for instance high as a kite, but obviously less cliché. it's great if you can make a comparison that is really unusual, similar to a paradox, something that doesn't usually seem to work together, but in this instance makes perfect sense.

i don't know if I can do it again. (do what again? this sounds like you are referring to the adrenaline rush?)

i feel like i should die (maybe instead of saying this, you could explain something that actually is dying, or something like it.)

answers never so near (the answers to what? and i hate descriptive words like so, if it is that near, tell me how close it actually is, i.e. the answers were right under my nose, but in your own words.)

the future scares me (what about the future? be SPECIFIC)

the solutions are never so clear ( again literally how clear are they, i.e. crystal clear but never use a cliché.)

i want to run and flea (what are you running from, i think you mean feelings, but make it crystal clear to me, and i think it should be flee, isn't fleA the bug? I might be wrong on that one though. )

to a life of ease (who has this easy life, or explain in some way what would make your life easier.)

I say you skip the next 5 lines and end it with:

but deep in my hear i know i am damned.

if you explain the rest of the poem, the last line will make perfect sense. :)

Answer 3

really great...i love it :]

but i think by "flea" you meant "flee"

great job...!

Answer 4

flea is a bug on a dog

flee is to run away

Answer 5

It seemed u were on a roller coaster