Question:

Wrote a song. What do you think?

by  |  earlier

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This is absolutely my first try at a song. I've been into poetry for a long while, but could never write a song. I asked for some tips yesterday and got a very good response from "grannyjill"

Honestly, I'd like to know what you think. Any title ideas? Constructive criticism is welcomed!! Please and thank you (:

feeling free,

hoping me and you agree,

the tall buildings

watching all our mishaps,

we're just specs on a map.

you're my fix,

me and you a perfect mix,

a piece of me, me.

the one thing i think,

you're a tattoo and i'm your ink.

like some kelp beneath the sand

you still saw me- one small strand

what a baffling choice you've made

but you saw me.

yeah, you saw me.

what beauty can you see in a generic face?

what a baffling choice you made

but you saw me

yeah, you saw me.

small children

playing by my window

and the cold iced tea

cooling down my fever

through the best and the worst,

i'm all yours.

through the fog

beyond the heat

you got me, me.

you pulled me past it all.

the one thing i think,

you're a tattoo and i'm your ink.

like some kelp beneath the sand

you still saw me- one small strand.

what a baffling choice you've made

but you saw me

yeah, you saw me.

small children

playing by my window

and the cold iced tea

cooling down my fever

through the best and the worst

i'm all yours

through the fog,

beyond the heat

you got me,

you pulled me past it all.

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2 ANSWERS


  1. Really really good! Plannin to sing this at mtv are we? ;)


  2. Would thou wert clean enough to spit upon!

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