Wrote last night, as an answer, What do you think?

Question

Seems unfinished to me. And I don't like the 'hope' line, what should I add to it? Any suggestions would be most helpful. Its nice not to write about something melancholy for a moment... although, the tone is still a little bluesy, what do you think? Thanks guys.

Midnight

Midnight means

Streetlights

And lip-locked lovers

Strolling the rain drenched streets.

Midnight is a stolen kiss;

Seductive in its innocence.

The moon is pregnant with

Hope,

Hidden behind

Gossamer clouds.

Midnight is serenity.

Answer 1

Quite impressive...being nocturnal myself, I really like this. Good Job.

Answer 2

A snapshot of a metropolitan street in mid winter night. I don't see it as a poem but a report of how do u feel about this snapshot . it is a 2- dimensional stilt picture. Lips are locked , kisses R stolen ,& the moon is pregnant w/ hope . Even the word pregnant U edited it. So U R a nice person who is shy to spell it all out, as if U were a religious (teen).  U wanna make it a poem, then make the elements of this picture move about, and promote their motion poetically. good luck!

Answer 3

it needs to be extendened

more description

overall it is not to bad

keep writting!

Answer 4

Whoa! You surely lashed out quickly at an opinion. Criticism is usually difficult to receive or give. But if we post for truth rather than praise, we can learn much from it.

With all that being said, your writing has some unique qualities and thoughtfulness.

This style of poetry seems to me more like several sentences broken down into tidy bits. But what do I know? However, It might work better if you added hidden behind on the same line with hope.

Comment not meant to be offensive, but helpful.

Edit: Thanks! You're very kind. You are right, I do write poetry, but don't know the rules here. You are very brave to post to this large audience. I admire you for that!

Answer 5

I think your poem is lovely. I have a suggestion if I may? No offense at all. I would make these changes:

The moon is aglow with

Twilight sleep

at the end I would add:

Midnight is serenity,

Tranquility in slow motion.

Only suggestions. Thanks for sharing your lovely poem.

Answer 6

That's a very good poem, however I agree with your statement that it seems unfinished. I needs that punch at the end so you aren't left hanging.

I must also disagree with the hope line. I love the way it is isolated from the rest of the poem, it makes it seem false somehow. I don't know, but I love that part.

Overall, I think the poem is excellent. Good job.