Question:

Wrote this poem couple minutes ago, tell me what you think?

by  |  earlier

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My eyes feel stuck into one position

When thoughts are so in awe

Hard to understand what to take in

Of something so strong

There is something so simple , so deep

Within every passing minute thats gone by

That i can feel it raining down on me right now

A beat taking the song, for a ride

The speed peddle

The suicidal desperation

A home run, to the base of triumphant

Pounding on the door, blasting the ringing button

Trying to understand, oh

What in the world to take in

Stunted for every passing day

That everything goes untouched

My one expression

Staring into the depths

Of the unmentioned forbidden

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5 ANSWERS


  1. Complete trash.  William Wordsworth would be spinning in his grave.


  2. Love this poem!  If you look around, you'll see that I just trashed several poems (with constructive criticism), and I have to say that this is the best one I've read here today.

    Only one suggestion.  Get rid of the last line and end the poem with "Staring into the depths."  :^)

  3. Iam sorry,try to do happy ,I am love to read,writing poem to,next  time plesa do happy,

  4. Sounds like teen angst - could stand a re-write like most 1st time through poems.

  5. Wow that was really good.  I'm not just saying that either.  It really shows emotion well.

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