X-post - do you think I am building this/him up to more than it is/could be?

Question

He was my first. I was young, silly and naive and slept with him on the first night thinking he was interested in me. He wasn't. He already had a gf(or maybe wife - not sure if he was married then or got married afterwards) and child - I didn't know about this till later. He wanted s*x - he called me again twice and I thought he might be interested in me. I found out about her on the third time I saw him and ended it straight away. So I meant nothing to him - just a bit on the side. He used me and moved on. I saw them once together and he looked 'into' her. I moved on too - this was 7 yrs ago - now I am married to a great guy and we have 2 kids under 2. But life is hard with 2 kids and I don't work so I have very little to think about. Someone mentioned to me that the house this guy from the past lived in (so I assume he owned) sold for over $4mil. He earned heaps so I guess he could have owned it.

So now I have this image of them living happily ever after. Married with kids, LOTS of money - money to buy anything they ever wanted.......anything at all. I assume they live in the same small town he came from ---so close to friends/family. So he probably doesn't cheat as he. Guys can separate love/s*x so he probably loved/s her and has got it (the urge to cheat) all out of his system that time with me. Being close to friends/family also probably means that he doesn't get the opportunity to get away with it as he was so careful when he saw me those couple of times. I don't know any of this - except for the selling the house that they lived in - but it kind of fits into place. I never let him bother me before but now that he seems to be so well off in life with everything I just feel so down about mine. I love my hubby and children but I have this vision of them having it so much better than us. I know I sound like I have sour grapes - but he was so callous to deceive me and use me for s*x - he never lied but deliberately let me think he was single. And obviously cheated on the wife/gf.

Do you think his life could be this good now? I know I should concentrate on my own - and I am - but it would make me feel better to know that things are probably not as great as I have the impression of for him. I think it is possible that I have just built this up to be something bigger than it is - possibly he is just like any other guy - just a bit more money?

Answer 1

well for some reason i dont think he is as happy as you are you have what you want, a good life he cheated on his wife and you may  not think it but he will live with the guilt and the money doesnt mean anything because if he has it she controls it so it doesnt matter. He is probably missarable and probably going to cheat again. Your life is better of then his and hes just part of the past like a bad scab that healed and now is out of your life.

Answer 2

Sounds like you are hung up on being left behind...  Keep in mind that it takes two to tango - or did he rape you?  Sounds like you were letting yourself hope he would be what you desired him to be rather than taking the time to first become friends and get to know him and his family and friends.  

Have you learned anything from your encounter?  Other than being jealous that someone has more than you?  Have you learned to take some of the responsibility for not testing the water first before drinking?

Let him go and focus on your own life - Be the best wife and mother you can be.  If you are bored then take some classes, either on-line or at a school, to better your own life.

Or, are you looking for someone else to do it for you???