Y do adoptees that speak out about abuse of power in the adoption field go & abuse power in adoptee forums?

Question

A rose is a rose. People cannot complain about how abused they are and then turn around and abuse others who have had experiances they have not and say their feelings are wrong. This is why abuse of power lives on and adoptees records stay closed! Hypocritical adoptees help no one! They continue to hurt themselves as well. Beyond stupid.

Answer 1

So it's the speaking out about abuse that causes records to be sealed. I don't know what fairy tale land you live in, but in other country's speaking out about abuse is what opened records. Are you of the belief that if slaves had just kept their mouths shut they would have been just fine?

Answer 2

I don't understand the question but can feel your pain and need to send you a huge hug

Answer 3

Julie R said it better than I could. But I' agree with her.

Answer 4

I confess I had trouble understanding your question until I read it again several times and realized that by "forums" you didn't necessarily mean "Yahoo Answers."

I guess one way to look at it is that, if you study child abuse at all, you come to understand that (unfortunately) abused people tend to abuse in turn.  

Those who have yet to become enlightened about their own abuse are likely to perpetuate the abuse.  If you read  Alice Miller's work, you will see that she talks about this a lot.  Some of the world's greatest abusers (like Hitler) spoke in glowing terms of their own abusers - their memory of abuse so buried that they abjectly denied it.  ("Honor Thy Father and Thy Mother" - despite how horrifically they abused you - Miller's "Thou Shalt Not Be Aware.")

Those who have faced the painful truth that they were abused are at least making major efforts to stop it and not pass it on to the next generation.  If they cannot entirely succeed, they can still talk honestly with their children about their own experience and ensure their children understand what is right and what is wrong, and explain that they have made every effort within their damaged capabilities to stop "paying it forward."

If only my adoptive father had made this effort, I suspect it would have made all the difference in our relationship, despite the damage already done.  

Intent means so much when it is expressed sincerely.

Understand that, in various forums, you are dealing with some very hurt and damaged people who may not yet realize just how hurt and damaged they are.

Answer 5

Freedom, I don't think anyone is "scum of the earth" because they want to adopt. I don't even think you're a bad person either.

((((hugs to your burned))))

Answer 6

Freedom, I hope you don't think that all of us who advocate for reform think you are the scum of the earth...

: )

That just isn't true!!!

Answer 7

This is a hard one to answer.  I think that when people have been violated by a horribly abusive system, the journey is long and arduous.  We are all at different stations on our journey.  And the farther apart the stations are, the harder it is to understand each other.

I think that you and I are are on different trains but at the same station. KWIM??

Answer 8

I agree with you 100% I came here because my husband and I are looking to adopt. A lot that has been said here has been stuff we were unaware of and because of this have researched topics we did not know about  until recently but I have said this more than once that the mannor on which adoptees here speak to the rest of us is not helping. I do not understand why because I am hoping to adopt that I have somehow been demoted to scum on the earth. I do not understand why this information cannot be shared with those of us who want to adopt without people dumping their baggage on us. I came here to learn but because I am a minority here( by wanting to adopt) I have had to make my Q&A private to due people harassing me on other forums. Which in reality sucks because I am humanitarian in Romania and people would go and read my Q&A about what I do and email me looking for ways to help children here.. Now that is not possible due to a few select who feel that adopting means I am planning on chasing a helpless mother down the street and stealing her child. It is sad adoptive parents or those wanting to adopt are not really welcome here.

Answer 9

I am not sure I understand exactly what you are asking, but I did want to send you a hug--