Y is this harder for me then him?

Question

Y does thinking about my baby I miscarried in May still really hurt I find myself still crying over it or really thinking about it alot.

My B/F has only mentioned it once and that was to crack a joke about its name being to simalair to my daughters

(no we didn't know the s*x ) but named it Austin Rylan I was only 8 weeks 3days my B/F didn't want kids to begin with but he's great with my daughter...

so he didn't handle me getting Preg very well to start with I got preg the day we meet PLEASE NO RUDE REMARKS we are still together.

he is the best guy I could ever ask for..when I got my u/s pic both of them

(one after it happened) he wanted them he was the one who named the baby

we also live 2 hours apart from eachother

I'm 25 and he's 22

Answer 1

This isn't to be rude but you are not his wife.  He probably doesn't have much respect for you.  Get him to be a good husband and you will get a good father!

Answer 2

You carried the baby for just over 8 weeks and suffered the trauma of the miscarriage your B/F just did not form the attachment to the baby which is not unusual. Each of us grieve in our own way and men often do not let their feelings show in case people think they are weak. I wish you well and from experience I know that you will gradually come to terms with what has happened and learn to accept it.

Answer 3

Guys sometimes aren't great at being sensitive.  And adults alot of times don't know what the right thing to say- so usually something stupid comes out.  I've had miscarriages as well and I'm amazed by what some people said to me.  May was not that long ago, so I think you have a right to still be hurting.  It doesn't ever really go away, but you do come to accept it a little more.  The hospital I went to have grieving programs you could attend for people who lost pregnancies, infants and babies.  That may help you talk to people that have experienced something similar.  Check out what they have to offer.  Even when a guy is great about a pregnancy, there is still something more us girls feel I think since we have the baby growing inside of us.  I'm sure he's hurting too, just a little bit differently than you.

Answer 4

So YOU don't want more children?  If you do, then you are with the WRONG man!  He's the best you could ever ask for, so if you had a bf that was happy about you being pregnant, that wouldn't be better?  I think you need to re think this one!

Answer 5

To be honest, its not as painful to him because he didnt have that bond you did. You knew from the minute you were pregnant that there was a bond there. You felt differently (even if it was sick). A man doesnt usually really fully grasp it until they can feel the baby moving from the outside of the womb. A lot of men feel left out or "detached" from the situation, until they get first hand personal closeness with the child like feeling it move from your tummy. All they get is the midnight craving run, the foot massager status, and the honey do list. As the mother we feel the difference from day one so we are immediately bonded to some degree. Its not that he is insensitive or doesnt care, he just didnt have the capability of understanding because it wasnt his experience yet for the most part.

Answer 6

he proberly thought it wasnt his or that your werent at all because the day you meet he got you preg and then you miscarraged sound a little wierd

Answer 7

because you were the mother and had to go through with it he was just sitting on the sidelines watching also he might not want to show his feelings maybe it still hurts him too

Answer 8

aww Sweetie I am so sorry.

miscarriages are very hard to go through.

When I was younger I found out from my older sister, who I believe found out from my older brother that out mom had had three between them. My mom didn't say anything about it personally to me for years later since it wa so hard for her to talk about.

Also my brother's fiance had a miscarriage and I know he still thinks about it now though he doesn't talk about it.  I know it still hurts him and maybe thats how it is with your guy...some people just can't talk about it.

if it gets to be too much maybe you might want to look into counseling....Sometimes we just cant get through these things on our own.

I hope you both heal.