Yelling at dinner, 14 months old. Please help me

Question

One of my twins has taken to yelling at dinner time. She just makes loud yelping or whining noises. She self-feeds and eats pretty fast and when she runs out of something she makes a very loud whining noise. When she's happy she yelps. She's very very loud.

It makes my husband angry and the other day he put on a baby DVD and wheeled her high chair into the livingroom and put her about 2 feet in front of the TV so that she would stop making noise.

I did not undermine him, but I made it clear to him after dinner that I think that was mean and unacceptable and that she's also learning that she can watch TV at dinnertime by yelling. Not cool at all. He hasn't done that since but last night she was yelling again at dinnertime and he started getting angry with her for it again. I suggested that he eat somewhere else if it bothers him because she's only 14 months old and it's hard for her to control her voice.

We basically have 2 choices for dinner. We all eat together and she whines when her tray is empty or yelps from happiness or they eat before he gets home and they completely FREAK OUT when we try to eat at the table. They either stand on the other side of the gate and scream at the top of their lungs or they stand by the table reaching up and grabbing at our plates (they're really tall) or they scream at our feet. We give them snacks but they still scream and cry because we're not playing with them.

I need HELP!!!!

I need to either find a way to teach one of my girls to use an inside voice at dinner time and not whine for food, without taking her away from the table because she's going to be making even more noise which is going to upset my husband further- or I need to find a way to get my husband to calm down and understand that she's a noisy kid and that if it truly hurts his sensitive ears as he says it does, that he needs to wear earplugs or something because she's going to be loud at the table and away from the table!

I know she needs to learn manners at some point but she's still a pretty young toddler. I need a way to teach her that won't result in her being even more noisy by crying because it's the noise that angers her dad. Putting her in her crib is out of the question because that is not a punishment zone. I don't want her to associate her crib with punishment. I am so lost!

Answer 1

I would focus more on your husband and I would search online for some articles on normal toddler behavior and on this type of thing at dnner and show him it's normal. Show him it's not just your child.

tell him you want to work together to come up with ideas on how to curb the behavior in a way you can both be happy with.

Personally if it were me, this is what I would do with the child in this situation..

Child yells for more food, I make eye contact and whisper "sshhhh you want more? say mooore" usually if you whisper it makes them quiet down to hear what you are saying. Continue at other mealtimes as well to try and teach her to say "more" when she wants more. Even if she doesn't say it at first that's ok, after you say "say moooore?" you can give her more and say again "more" but always wait until she has shhhed down before you hand it to her so you are rewarding her quiet behavior not the loud behavior.

For the yelping when happy you can try the technique where as soon as she yelps you pick up her plate and say in a quiet voice "shhhhh no no" taking her plate and saying "shhhhhh while making direct eye contact will grasp her attention. Then you immediately give back the plate before she has time to cry about you taking it. Each and evry time she yelps you do the same thing and she will learn that you don't want her to yelp and will make the correction everytime.

You don't want it to turn into a punishment thing though so always return the plate right away after you get her attention by saying shhhhh no no". It's you making a correction on her behavior, not a punishment.

Eventually she will learn what you want but it will take time because she doesn't have the verbal skills right now to express herself any other way. This is another thing you can search about online to show your husband. These behaviors will pass as she gets older and with you both working together to correct it at the same time.

good luck :)

Answer 2

shes only 14 monthes old and your husband needs to take a chill pill for goodness sake.. whats he gonna do when shes 15 and sneaking out?? or gets caught drinking.. if he is this upset over this already he has along road ahead of him.. she just wants to communicate with you and be part of the conversation...i understand she needs to learn table manners but why dont you try that in like a year.. shes still just a baby.

Answer 3

She is yelping and whinning at dinner time to communicate with you. She doesn't have the words to express herself yet. If her tray is empty ask her if she would like "More" of this or that. Try using the baby sign "more" She may learn that quickly. When she is yelling, try whispering with her.

If they want down....let em down .get a small kids table so they can toddle and eat. Its hard for a 14 month old to sit through a whole dinner.

If they are reaching for your plates, give them a bite. for some reason my husbands food always taste better then my 2 year olds plate(wink wink)

I suggest serving wine with your meal to mellow your husbands nerves ;-)

table manners can be taught at 21/2-3 years old. Ty not to stress so much at dinner time. good luck

Answer 4

I have a 19 month old son.  I have also had very young sisters that I raised.

You are completely right in not letting your husband get away with putting her in front of the TV.  For the time being, it would be better that he eat on his own without the children if he is going to react that way.

Here are my suggestions:

1. You could completely ignore her.  I did this and it worked almost every time.  The kid wants attention and giving it will only reinforce the idea that screaming = I get attention which is what I want.  If your house is pretty much baby proof like mine, you could even take her out of the high chair immediately and let her play with toys (if that helps, it may not, but every kid is different).

2.  Cup your hand over her mouth (not her nose of course) and speak "Inside voices, please" in a soft and firm tone.  I used this and it worked the rest of the time.

3.  I would have a toy, crayons, paints, blocks or something nearby that she can reach for after she is done eating and can occupy her time.  Hopefully, she will pull her attention to the new toy or activity.

Answer 5

Hmm.. i have the same problem so when you figure out the answer let me know! Lol, really though i think it's just a phase my daughter is 16 months old and is really loud and sqeals screams and throws terrible tantrums, we've found the best thing to do (all though the hardest) is to not feed into it, if we ignore her or react in a calm way look in her face and say no yelling hunny or that's not ok, she usually starts to calm down, not always! but sometimes! i think a lot of it is they are just testing their limits and seeing how you re-act if your giving them attention wether it's good or bad they will do whatever it is their doing to keep getting your attention because they know its a sure fire way to get your attention! i would just set a good example remain calm and know that this too will pass! Good luck!  

Answer 6

Did your husband not know that children actually make noise?

Well, here's a suggestion I hope will help:  one hour before dinner, sit the children at the table and give them a protein snack and some juicy juice (not sugary drinks).  This will fill them up until you can all sit down together at the table and have a more quiet dinner time.  When the children are finished eating, there should be a quiet toy they can play with adjacent to the table (not at the table).  You could also let them watch an appropriate TV show as long as they are within your view.

Here are some ideas for children's protein sources:

http://pediatrics.about.com/od/nutrition...