Yesterday I discovered my 5 year old son has been a victim of sexual abuse. Advice please?

Question

It was a 6 year old girl who did this to him on two separate occasions. This was last November but I was informed last week that the young girl had been caught doing something no child should even know of! Oral s*x was involved instigated by her. This prompted me to ask my son as he has had her sleep over in our home before. They are good friends and even after all this my son is struggling with the fact that he still sees her as a friend. All the relevant people have been called. Child Protection and the police and the will be interviewing my son tomorrow. His school have been a huge support as the other child is in the same, very small, infant school. We are in the U.K.My son seems to be coping very well and I am so very proud of him. He knows he can talk or not. To me or others who have been carefully chosen. He has people he can talk to.Professionals who KNOW what to say but I don't know where to turn.The thoughts running through my head are horrible. The ''What If's??''...

Answer 1

I am so sorry for your situation. I do agree that abuse is abuse no matter the age of the abuser. You are obviously a very good and caring mother and you and your little boy are in my prayers.

Answer 2

I am really sorry that something like this has happened to your son.

You did the right thing by informing the police I find it really shocking that a 6 year old little girl knows this kind of thing. The right support will be given to her as well as your son. They will investigate whether this little girl has been the victim of some sort of abuse to learn this kind of thing so young.

You will need support as well and I suggest you talk to the police or social services and ak where you can go for that support.

My thoughts are with you all and your son sounds like he has a wonderful mother who will always be there for him

Answer 3

My prayers are with you all. If it helps go into a closed room and let it out, but do this not in front of your son. I hope it will help with the "right now" stress.

God Bless!!!We hold you all in our prayers!

Answer 4

You did everything that you could to this point.  Your right in saying that this child has had to learn this from somewhere.  I would of course have questioned if this was something that her parents even knew of though.  The molestion, or abuse may have taken place from the outside and with her parents dealing with the facts of the police, and child protection, I'm not sure if this was the right move to make at the beginning.  Maybe you should have called the parents of this child first, and advised them that enforcement would be contacting them.

Answer 5

Talk about overkill.  Kids survive playing doctor quite nicely on their own, without adult interference, as they have since the dawn of man.  When (and if) kids are traumatized at all by these things, it's ALWAYS because of over-reacting, hysterical adults.

The proper response was to tell the girl's mom and let her handle her precocious (and no doubt previously molested) little girl, and then tell your son that we don't do those things until we're older and in love, etc.  Then move on.  Burning the house down to cook the roast is rarely a good idea.

FYI:  Since little kids don't have s*x drives yet, sexual stimulation of any kind may feel good to them, but there's no emotional element, it just feels good for the moment then it's forgotten.  The only reason they have any other reaction is because they have been pe-programmed by a well-meaning but misguided adult to have that particular reaction (guilt, fear, obsession, etc).

As the expression goes, there is no good or evil in the world, but thinking makes it so.

Answer 6

I think you did the right thing!!! No one said she is gonna be thought of as a child predator!!!!!!!! Yes she is only 6..but by you calling the correct people it will keep it from happening to another child down the line...and it also proves that maybe something is going wrong at home!! In no shape or form is oral s*x from a 6yr old normal!! She should know nothing about that!! I would contact a child physiologist and see what he or she thinks.

Answer 7

Let me get this straight a little 6 year old girl is gonna be labeled a sexual offender because you can't understand that obviously she has probably been abused too? Only thinking of your own child - not considering that she is too young to realize or know that what "they" did was wrong. I can't believe that a person who has been abused did not immediately see that the other child is the one who has obviously been abused and for far longer than your boy was.

It isn't that I don't feel for your child but you raising this huge stink about it means that every kid at that small nursery knows exactly what happened and both of them will be shunned at school because of it.

Maybe you should have taken care of this privately but no - you only thought about one child instead of seeing the pain of the other.

SOPHIE: she was 6 years old- don't you think she has probably been abused herself?

Answer 8

Peace love and prayers to you.

Answer 9

Oh dear oh dear! Both the Questioner and most Answerers needs treatment - not the children. What they have done to each other is child play and NOT sexual abuse. It will not in the slightest way have any impact on their future lives, but the process with police and professionals surely will. In other words: you have made a big mistake mother.

P.S. I am not sorry for what happened because nothing terrible has happened.

Answer 10

wow. first of all...do you really think it was necissary to call the police if the child was only 6 years old? Yes that's old enough to know to keep you rhands and things to yourself but kids do things like that ALL THE TIME. My family owns a daycare and you would be very surprised how many kids pull their pants down and do all kinds of things children shouldnt be doing. In no way am I saying what she did was okay but she is just a little girl. I am sorry for what happened.

Answer 11

first of all i read your question and im sobbing i just carnt stop the tears rolling down my face, im not easily effected by things but this has, i feel for your son having a 6 yr old girl do things to him, my god how the h**l does a 6 yr old know what to do, have you ever thought shes had something done to her and she thinks it normal lets hope if she has then lets hope they get the sick b*****d behind all this, but going back to your son big hugs to him coping as well as he is, but keep a close eye as later on in life he may get flash backs, and can cause problems, but also you need help to getting raped once is bad but twice is horrific i carnt imagine the torment your going through  , your body over comes things quickly your mind is a lot slower at letting go at the torment of what has happened to you and your son .maybe you could do with some counciling maybe speaking to childline for advice on your son and speaking to your gp about what are your options in seeking help for the both of you with counciling if this is not treated you will have a nervous breakdown or sink in to depression and then you will be no good to yourself or to your son, what ever the outcome of this matter with your son things will get easier for the both of you, i just hope and pray its going to be ok if you ever want to talk my email ad is [e-mail]

Answer 12

u did the right thing by ringing the police doesn't matter what age the Little girl is she is in the wrong

what way is her mum and dad bring her up that is disgusting

she must of seen things like that round her and for the people up the above saying shes only a 6 year old if it was your child it wont b a different matter and the end of the day the little girl is wrong she needs till no its wrong and that she should off never did that in the first place if she thinks she can get off with it what is stopping her doing it when she is older just because its a girl doesn't mean u have til treat it different if it was a boy who did it till a girl yas wont be say it was wrong for ringing the police

Answer 13

omg i'm soo sorry to hear that! I had know idea this stuff happens often. Your son is coping well because he doesn't yet know wat exactly happened and wat it means. Just keep calm and dont panic. Ask the police if they know of any chatgroups for rape victims.

Btw. WAT ON EARTH WAS GOING THROUGH THAT GIRLS HEAD?!!

Answer 14

WOW, I give you a lot of credit for going on here and asking for help. I just wish I had some words of wisdom to give you. The only thing I can say is continue to let your son know that he has your support and love and you are there for him. You did the right thing. Yes they are all victims but you are right in making your son first priority.  He is your main concern here.

Please don't give details, the ones that want all the details are just gross. Why do they need the details?

Enough of that.  

I wish you and your son the best. Prayers and strength to you.

Answer 15

I am a child and family advocate for children who have been sexually asulted, I work in the centers that do child sensitive interviews then help the family work through the assult. First I know what a horrible ordeal this is for you and your son and I am sorry that you have to do through this. Also it sounds like the girl is most likely a victim herself due to the s*x act she preformed I hope the police are also interviewing her to see who has done this to her. Your son undoubltdly dosen't fully understand what happened and why it is wrong, so he will still see her as a friend. I am in the USA and we have what is called the center for sexual assult and they work with children and thier families through counseling they can councel you and your son seperate and together. I am sure the UK also has something similar ask your CPS worker. You can't beat yourself up over it there is no way  you could have known or prevented this from happening, I Know this will be hard for you. You also need to treat your son the same way you have always treated him such as still making him clean his room and do his homework, the more normal things are the easier he will cope with this. If your attitude toward him changes he will sense something more is wrong and often at this point they begin to feel guilt over the situation. The last thing you want is for him to feel it is in any way his fault. You need to be as strong as you can for your son. make sure you talk to someone to be able to get your fustrations and concerns out so you don't bottle it all up inside. The interview is usually child friendly and they will have a professional just talk to your child in casual conversation to see what happened, so don't worry about him during this process, most of the time the come out of the interview feeling relived and more willing to talk about the situation, so he might reveal more to you after this. If he dose listen to him and reassure him that he is safe now, and that he can talk to you about it at anytime. Let him know that what the girl did to him was not ok and this might be a good opportunity to talk about good touch and bad touch, let him know it was not his fault, and that you love him. you will get though this, it will be a long hard process. Good luck and God bless you. If you need someone to talk to or have anymore questions you can e-mail me at [e-mail] my name is Ashley.

I just read the persons that said that you were only thinking of your child..he/she is a jerk and doesnt understand the law or motherhood. you did the right thing. she will not be labled as a s*x offender she is only 6 you helped her as well as your son the police will look into this matter and will get her help as well. you DID the right thing as a mother and a caring person, these things should NOT be handled privately. GOOD JOB. ITs people like this that continue the cycle of abuse don't listen to them the last thing you want to do is ignore it or not report it.

Answer 16

Most definitely she did the correct thing! A 6 year old child should NOT know anything about oral s*x. It's normal for them to undress and explore the differences between a female and male body. It is NOT normal for them to perform oral s*x on one another. This leads into was the other little girl possibly sexually abused herself?? Being the mother of a 5 yr old and 14mnth old, I would have done the same. No questions asked.

I would seek some sort of counseling that specializes in children of this age myself. Seek a support group even for yourself. The internet is a wonderful thing. I'm sure if you look around you can find some sort of support/therapy/psychiatry that can at least point you in the right direction.