Yet another one?

Question

hiding my shameful face behind my long dark hair-

shedding tears of deep remorse-

shaking with anger, rage, and betrayal-

sighing a loveless sigh-

wishing to rearrange the past-

dying on the inside-

my heart is crumbling because of you.

Answer 1

Line one is stunning -- WOW

and then you back it up with a powerful punch.  

Only line that bothers me is the last one:

my heart is crumbling because of you.

because crumbling seems to indicate your heart is made of stone, yet all of the emotions before show a different picture.

T.

Answer 2

why shameful?

shamed, humiliated maybe.. but ..

and I agree "crumbling " could be  crushed or wounded

almost perfect poem  to the point condensed and tight.. I can see "white fist ed gun hand". as a title or something equally shocking.  good work

Answer 3

All it needs to make it a perfectly powerful poem is a title to suit it. The only think I might, and this is me personally, change is the second to the last line. While I understand the poetic beauty of it, the phrase, unfortunately, has lost its meaning becoming slightly trite and melodramatic. However, that is my personal opinion, and I am guilty of triteness and melodrama myself. Aside from that, beautiful, heart shaking poem. Keep up the good work.

Answer 4

love it!!!