Question:

Yet another one?

by  |  earlier

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hiding my shameful face behind my long dark hair-

shedding tears of deep remorse-

shaking with anger, rage, and betrayal-

sighing a loveless sigh-

wishing to rearrange the past-

dying on the inside-

my heart is crumbling because of you.

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4 ANSWERS


  1. Line one is stunning -- WOW

    and then you back it up with a powerful punch.  

    Only line that bothers me is the last one:

    my heart is crumbling because of you.

    because crumbling seems to indicate your heart is made of stone, yet all of the emotions before show a different picture.

    T.


  2. why shameful?

    shamed, humiliated maybe.. but ..

    and I agree "crumbling " could be  crushed or wounded

    almost perfect poem  to the point condensed and tight.. I can see "white fist ed gun hand". as a title or something equally shocking.  good work

  3. All it needs to make it a perfectly powerful poem is a title to suit it. The only think I might, and this is me personally, change is the second to the last line. While I understand the poetic beauty of it, the phrase, unfortunately, has lost its meaning becoming slightly trite and melodramatic. However, that is my personal opinion, and I am guilty of triteness and melodrama myself. Aside from that, beautiful, heart shaking poem. Keep up the good work.

  4. love it!!!
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