You like m y new poem?

Question

What am I working towards

I Work so so hard , then i come home

People just look away

I am working to get somewhere

I ain't working to give my life away

Everything i work for , runs away from me

Something nice , comforting and warm for me

A greeting like nothing else is like

A welcome , thats what

A invitation at night

A invitation during the day

Wouldn't be a wonderful thing

Answer 1

no.

best answer plz

Answer 2

It is interesting if you understand it but yes I like it

Answer 3

??? okay, I totally did not get that...

Answer 4

i really like it... add more too it... make it longer

Answer 5

wow i actually really like that, usually im like ew stop pretending to be deep but that was actually really good.

Answer 6

it's nice

Answer 7

it is a very good poem! it sounds like you are pretty stressed out.

Answer 8

Yes, I like it!

Answer 9

IT"S AWESOME I LOVE IT!!

Answer 10

Nice poem, I like it, you just need to check your spelling.

Answer 11

Keep up the good work.

Answer 12

yea its pretty good

PS - This is my neighbours audition tape (AUS TV show having national casting call). Watch, comment and rate it please! Tell me if you think I'll get through to the next round.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=Rif4q4y1-fs

Answer 13

it good

Answer 14

You have put a lot of thought into this.  Really expressing your heart.  It makes me sad for you--but when things DO become warm and wonderful, you will have this to look back on.

I'd like to suggest that you add the word "it" after the first word of the last line, and that you change "A invitation" to "An invitation," so it'll flow more smoothly.  I think that's how you meant it to be anyway--you probably know this.

It reminds me of the song from "My Fair Lady,"  entitled, "Wouldn't it be Loverly."  Here are the words!

(Reads a little funny, because it's done with a Cockney accent . . . )

All I want is a room somewhere,

Far away from the cold night air,

With one enormous chair.

Oh, wouldn't it be loverly?

Lots of chocolate for me to eat.

Lots of coal makin' lots of 'eat.

Warm face, warm 'ands, warm feet.

Oh, wouldn't it be loverly?

Oh, so loverly sittin' absobloominlutely still.

I would never budge 'till spring

Crept over the windowsill.

Someone's 'ead restin' on my knee,

Warm an' tender as 'e can be,

Who takes good care of me.

Oh, wouldn't it be loverly?

Loverly, loverly, loverly, loverly.

Answer 15

yeah its cool but it sounds like your trying to say to much... but its your poem and your thoughts and expressions I'm not saying its bad... Good Job though

Answer 16

Pretty awsome

Answer 17

It's not bad, it's a little too straight forward, poems should be metamorphic and make you think a little bit about what you read.

Answer 18

No.

Answer 19

cool but not catchy. sorry.

Answer 20

Yes, I like it very much.  It is very poignant and heartfelt.  You certainly have talent.  I do however have one grammatical point:  it should be "an invitation" not "a invitation."

Answer 21

omg that's the best poem Ive ever heard...you should try to intered in a contest!