You like my poem?

Question

Can anyone hear me

Am I the invisible one

Sometimes I feel like I want to hide

And sometimes I wonder,am I still alive

I want someone to hear my cry

So I don't have to lie

I want someone to find me before I die.

You like what I wrote?

Answer 1

I like it.For one reason it pretty much describes how I feel.

John S.

Answer 2

In the nicest way possible, a lot of the rhyming appeared to be forced...also, your rhyme scheme was a, b, c, c, c, c, c. Thus, I don't feel that it flows very smoothly. Please accept a constructive critique. I can't help you with the actual content, but I can try and improve your grammar:

Line 1: You need a question mark, because it is an inquiry. So, "Can anyone hear me?" For the purpose of your message, it might work better to say "Can't anyone hear me?"

Line 2: This line also needs a question mark. So, "Am I the invisible one?"

Line 3: You have quite a few unnecessary words there. It might be better to say "Sometimes, I want to hide," or something along those lines. Your diction choices are relatively weak, but I'm sure you can improve that with time.

Line 4: To rephrase this, it might be better to say "Sometimes, I wonder if I'm still alive." Was the 'and' really necessary? Go ahead and put it back if you think it was important.

Line 5: Perhaps a comma at the end of this line?

Line 6: I would recommend a period at the end of this line.

My miscellaneous comments:

- You didn't have a consistent syllabic count, so it came across as kind of choppy.

- Your message came across a bit too plainly. IMHO, you should liven it up a little bit with deeper metaphors, imagery, or stronger word choices. Every syllable in a poem should hold an important meaning.

I hope you don't think I was too picky, or anything...in response to your question, I liked the message, but not the medium. Does that make sense? Just remember that whether or not your work is good all depends on what YOU think of it.

<3 Good luck with future writings...

Answer 3

its nice

Answer 4

omg, its really good. even though it sounds kind of suicidal and depressing, it is a really good poem.!

i love it. seriously.!

answer mine.?

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