You missed - and didn't acknowledge - an old (but out of touch) friend's wedding. How do you make up for it?

Question

Ok. You haven't lived in the country for three years, and weren't really in touch before then. You have been dealing with mondo problems of your own (but haven't told anyone) - so have been really far up your own ****. Things have calmed down and you realise your friend has got married. You remember the invitation email, but the date has drifted past you, lost in the madness of your life. You are therefore an acknowledged ****hole.

It's been two weeks. How do you make up for it?

Answer 1

Only two weeks?  That is not a big deal, especially if you are out of the country.

If you feel close to this couple, snail mail is perfect for this.  You send a card.  You send a gift.  You write a note, apologizing for being unable to attend the wedding.

Then you stop calling yourself ugly names, and you let this go.

You write:  You haven't lived in the country for three years, and weren't really in touch before then.  

If you were not in close touch with these folks before the wedding (and do not feel close to them), then really all that is necessary is a congratulatory card.

I tend to think your bridal couple sounds a bit gift-grubbing, unless they are relatives.  One should really not be sending wedding invitations to those who live in another country, when one has not had contact with the potential guest in three years.

When making a guest list, a good rule of thumb is the one-year rule.  Has the bridal couple seen or socialized with the potential guest within the last year?  If so, then an invitation is appropriate.  Relatives (of course!) may be an exception to the one-year rule.  

But three years and a transatlantic journey?  I think your bridal couple was pushing it a bit.

Send a card.  If you really like them and hope to rekindle the friendship, send a gift.  Then let it go.  I really feel you did nothing wrong.

Answer 2

Depending on how they will percieve things you can either e-mail, or if that's a little detached write by snail mail, apologizing for your actions. DON'T LIE, however tempting! They will see past it. Explain your life has been hectic and agree that it was very insensitive of you to not mark this date as important, you want to know how everything went and keep in touch, ask if you can visit them and bring a bottle of wine as a belated gift? (Last one, optional).

Answer 3

just send nice e mail

Answer 4

Just make sure you don't miss their funeral.

Answer 5

Send a card with a little note extending them an invite to dinner next time you are in the same country.  In the mean time, you can also include a gift certificate to a restaurant in their city.  Or you can send a nice bottle of wine/booze to offer a toast to them.

Answer 6

Ring, establish contact and then say....

" sorry about the wedding - lots of explaining to do - but when can I come over to see the photos?"

This turns the direction of the conversation onto their happy event and skips over your own troubles - but without denying that they exist. Once you are face to face, you can release as much info about your stuff as you wish, and encourage forgiveness.

Ask lots of questions about the photos and give the impression you are gutted to have missed out. - for example:

"who's he?"

"is that your old neighbour?"

" how long have they been together?"

"Where did you get the idea for that outfit ?"

etc etc - you know the stuff.

true friends will forgive.

good luck

Answer 7

Explain it to your friend. I'm sure he/she will understand. Life is so hectic, these things do happen.

The same happened to me, and my friend understood.

Answer 8

Sen them a card apologizing for you behavior and invite them out for dinner to catch up on everything.

Answer 9

Email doesn't feel personal.

If you can't call or anything send a letter.

With some inside jokes and funny things in your own handwriting.

Then he'll know that you were sorry and cared enough that you would

spend your time on a letter.

Offer to meet up soon and say your sorry, A LOT.