You say to leave kids where they are......?

Question

For all the people on here to say let the kids stay with there birth mom and dads. Well, just a couple of weeks ago( this was in yesterdays paper in the town i live in) a mom and dad said to the judge that they think they have done well enough in there classes to get there THREE year old daughter back. Som the judge looked to see what they have been doing and ok you can have her back as long as you still go to the classes. Well, in the paper and the news, they thought it was a good idea to beat this little THREE YEAR OLD and when they had killed her they hung her in the batheroom over the shower. How can you sit on here and say yes let the child stay in a home where they are going to get abused instead allowing these kids to go into a foster home and then be adopted??? This little girl did nothing but she had to die bc her parents beat her. I dont care how good they do, it goes to show that they do not change for the better. SO stop deing this kids a great home. GIE THEM A CHANCE!!!!!

Answer 1

I think most people on here want what is best for the child. I have not seen anyone say let a kid stay in an abusive home. That would be pretty stupid. I personally believe that if the home is abusive that the child should be removed. However i do believe that the parent go into counseling, so they can understand and acknowledge that their behavour is irresponsible. On the other had if a mother is just poor and financially can't afford a child. Don't you think she should have some type of programs available to her, so she can learn to earn a comfortable living and support her baby? Really not sure where you get the impression that most people on here what the child abused. The worst I read was that someone would rather have a child aborted rather than be adopted. But I never saw an answer that said a child deserves to be abused rather than adopted. Could you please provide examples? Maybe I missed something?

Answer 2

This can happen in adopted and foster homes to. There is a case in texas where the mother electirc got turned off and the children were removed and put in a foster home only to have the teenage boy of the foster mom beat this 6 year old to death. So it's not just b-mother and fathers doing this. It's sad and this needs to stop but just don't blame birth parents.

Answer 3

Although this is a very sad case and I hope the parents are punished to the full extent of the law...there are some good cases that are few and far between.  My husband and I sent a three year old home last year.  His mother fought his entire life to get him back and she did.  As of today, she is a 4.0 college student almost ready to graduate and is currently a manager at the place where she works.  I still get to talk to her and the little boy and we are really good friends.  We were lucky in that aspect as once children are sent home, you really have no idea as to what is going to happen.  In some since you are correct saying that they do not change for the better, but here is a case plan to prove that it does and can happen!

Answer 4

this situation is indeed, tragic.  however, this argument attempts to suggest that only b/f/n-parents are abusive to children. that, is a logical fallacy.

abusive parents, either natal, foster or adoptive are detrimental to the physical, mental and emotional health of children.

just as you have offered a scenario which illustrated a tragic outcome, i can offer you several at the hands of foster/adoptive parents.

for instance, when i worked as a social worker, i remember one of my clients who become pregnant by her 25 year old foster cousin. this slob basically hung around his aunt's house having s*x with her foster daughters. this had allegedly been going on for some time, before i took the job. i petitioned the court on behalf of the county that he submit to a paternity test. guess what the result was?  oh, she passed a homestudy.

another instance was of a boy who was sodomized, repeatedly by his adoptive father. yeah, you guessed it, he passed a homestudy, too.

so see, we can all throw out scenarios as an arugument for or against something.  yet, what's evident in the arugument you made was that the parents who abused and killed this baby were simply bad people.  

also, i don't think that anyone who supports family preservation wants children to be placed in harm's way.

stories like this--albeit tragic--make news, and fuel the propaganda associated with severing  natal bonds of ALL babies born to young, unmarried pregnant girls.

these parents are cruel and deserve punishment.  however, i fail to see how this argument provides cause to not support family preservation.

sunny- i read the article and the comments.  one of the comments was from the uncle of the boys.  this is heart-breaking! (scroll down to "danielvicory's entry." he's the uncle of the boys)

http://pod01.prospero.com/n/pfx/forum.as...

Answer 5

you are a very angry person!!! Try some aromatheraphy, or some relaxing excerises. I don't think the people here really care. they just have different opionions than you.

Answer 6

You must 'hear' what you want to hear.

I have never, ever seen anyone here recommend that a child, adopted or otherwise stay in an abusive home.

If you actually crunched the numbers, you'd find that adopters are far more likely to abuse their non-related children than biological families, as adoptive families only make up 2% of the US population.

And what would you advise for the poor adopted children cited in this news story?  Stay in their 'loving' 'two-parent' home?  

Who are you to say they wouldn't have been better off with their MOTHERS?

http://www.sanluisobispo.com/news/local/...

Answer 7

unfortunately the law was on their side... This is a really sad story... I'd have a fit too...

Answer 8

How awful

NO CHILD SHOULD REMAIN WITH ABUSIVE PARENTS, whether natural or adoptive - how many times does this have to be said

If you would like some stories of similar things happening in adoptive families, there are plenty

So, your point?

Answer 9

Not a single person on this site recommends leaving children in the care of abusive parents.

Here's the thing: women who "voluntarily" relinquish their children are usually nothing like the bio parents you described in this question.

Most women who have their children removed by the state never considered relinquishing the children at birth; and most women who relinquish at birth never would have abused their children.

You are talking about two entirely different demographics. Please don't equate those of us who got talked into believing that we were doing the BEST thing for our kids--and thus relinquished despite our own pain, because we thought it was the loving thing to do--with women who abuse their children. It's stigmatizing, steroetyping, and just plain cold.

Answer 10

Who are these people that think kids should be left in abusive homes? I've been reading here for months and have never seen anyone say that.

And by your logic, I guess I should post a bunch of links about adoptees being killed by their adoptive parents and state that adoption should never happen huh?

Answer 11

I can tell that this has upset you, and I'm sorry for that.  You can make a difference by going to your state legislature and talking to your representatives.  Although one person by themselves may not seem to make a difference, each person that says something raises awareness about the issue.  You are right, give them a chance.  There is so much politics involved with this whole scenario, that sometimes the children get lost in the shuffle.  This poor little girl lost her life because of these politics.  Nothing will bring her back, and nothing can change that.  I cry when I hear of cases like this, and I want to grab these kids and take care of them.  

Stay strong for your own children if you have them, and for the other children that need your help and guidance.

Answer 12

I would never condone leaving a child in an abusive situation.

At the same time, it is unfair to accuse women who relinquish children of being abusive.  The reality is that most people who abuse their children NEVER consider adopting them out.

It's an apples and oranges scenario.

I also have read many, many stories of adoptees who were abused and even murdered by their adoptive parents.  Google and you will find many many stories of this happening in our society.

The reality is that children who are being abused should absolutely be given the help they need and be removed from the abusive situation immediately.  No one is disputing this.

My firstmother is not and never was an abusive person.  She raised  children after me who she never even spanked.  It is unfair to say that firstmothers are abusive people when that is just not the case in many instances.  Just as I would never say that all adoptive parents are abusive even though there are many cases of abuse portrayed in the media.

Answer 13

WOW

Amos... You are absolutely right. And i my self was in the system as a child and it wasn't my mother doing the beating( making a long story short) me and my sister were abused by the foster FAMILIES yes plural ... so it is sad that this is happening every where but what we all can do is try to fight for these defenseless children . Parents or whom ever that abuse children are sick individuals but like the person said before me yelling at people that have nothing to do with the situations occurring wont help send that to your congressman/woman that would do more good than on here!!!

And i pray for all those defenseless children going through what i have been through and what i have seen. i was a lucky one as well as my older sister .This does in fact HAVE TO STOP.. god what is wrong with people that they have to put all there anger,frustration,there own problems on innocent children...i get so d**n mad when i hear these people say it was a form of punishment the child was misbehaving..CHILDREN WILL BE MISCHIEVOUS they are CHILDREN ...they need to give these homes daily check through and ya know what the system just needs to open there d**n eyes!!!

Answer 14

There are no guarantees either way, that's an extreme case.

What about all the abused adopted kids? You're totally going off the deep end on this one.

I've never heard anyone advocate for abuse.

It just seems, that with all the homestudies, interviews, etc... that AP's go through with adopted child THERE SHOULD BE A HIGHER DEGREE OF CERTAINTY that they, would never be subjected to alcholics, drug addicts, and torture..... but they do.

Answer 15

The judge can only uphold the law. He cant make decisions based on what he feels are better options. The law says according to their accusations parents can redeem their parental rights by taking and completing child care courses and therapy. If they did that and there was no question that they did, the judge must uphold the law. All he can judge is whether they did as they were instructed, not whether they should or shouldnt have their children, that was already decided.

You have to have a basic understanding of the judicial process before you can freak out.

It doesnt make it right. What makes it right is lobbying with your local congressman or woman, grouping together with others who feel your same convictions and working to pass new laws and judicial processes to protect children in this sort of situation.

Yelling at people who have no involvement in the actual case you're speaking of doesnt help anyone, esepcially not the children. Focus your energy where it will be most useful- with your congressman or woman.