Young coworker with an abusive husband, who isn't ready to leave yet?

Question

I have a co-worker who is 21 years old, and has a 12 month old baby. She is a very sweet, and fun person to be around and we've become fast friends in just a few weeks. The problem is her husband is verbally abusive, and at times can be physically abusive to her. She confides in me that she loves him but is NOT in-love with him, and doesn't know what to do about it. She is afraid that she would be destitute without his support because he's the main bread winner, and also she thinks he and his family would take their son from her. We often joke about her and Pete, our head of security getting together because I know he has a crush on her (he would actually be a GREAT guy for her, because they have so many interest in common, and both are really nice people).

I've told her that when she's sick and tired of being with such a jerk, that she will leave no matter WHAT she has to do. I've also told her to take pictures of any bruises, scratches, etc. and to keep a journal of EVERYtime he does something abusive to her.

I want to do more, but I just don't know how else I can help her. What do you recommend?

Answer 1

You are doing pretty much all you can do..

you can't make someone leave or see the bad.. she has to see it and do it for herself..

Just be her friend and hopefully soon she can find it within herself to get out of there.

Answer 2

Well it is very sweet of you to have such concern for such a "new" person in your life, I think you are doing the best you can. I think you should be her shoulder to cry on, and listen to all her problems, I am sure she needs that more then anything. What you might also want to do is try and go over to their home, not to get involved, but see what is really going on, I mean you are only hearing one side of the story...but if he is abusive towards her, odds are he will be abusive to that little baby and that is when yo may need to step in. I think you should offer support, and let her know if she needs anything you are there, and also maybe help her look at other options, I know she would be able to keep her baby, there is NO one that is going to take a baby off of her for leaving to protect herself and her child, and I am sure she would get by, there is child support and I am sure she'd get spousal support.  There is NO reason anyone should stay in an abusive relationship! Well good luck hunny, and I will keep your friend in my prayers that everything works out in her favor!