Your all time fav funny quote?????

Question

Mine's .......... "the quality of food in a restaruant is inversely proportional to the number of signed celeb photographs on the wall"

Answer 1

"Surely you must be joking."

"I'm not joking, and stop calling me Shirley."

      -  Airplane!

Answer 2

You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life.

- Winston Churchil

'The riskier the road, the greater the profit.'

- "Rules Of Acquisition"

"Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character,

give him power."

- Abraham Lincoln

"It is not from the benevolence of the butcher, the brewer, or the baker, that we expect our dinner, but from their regard to their own self-interest. We address ourselves, not to their humanity but to their self-love, and never talk to them of our own necessities but of their advantages."

- Adam Smith, "The Wealth of Nations"

Human behavior is economic behavior. The particulars may vary, but competition for limited resources remains a constant. Need as well as greed have followed us to the stars, and the rewards of wealth still await those wise enough to recognize this deep thrumming of our common pulse.

- CEO Nwabudike Morgan, "The Centauri Monopoly

"Avoid direct contact with the enemy until the time and place are just right. Stealth, speed, mobility, force composition, and operational flexibility are the key to success."

- "Brotherhood Combat Operations Manual"

It is from their foes, not their friends, that cities learn the lesson of building high walls and ships of war. And this lesson saves their children, their homes, and their properties.

- Aristophanes

Answer 3

Mt favorite funny quote is President's Bush's speech...

"There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again." —Nashville, Tenn., Sept. 17, 2002

http://youtube.com/watch?v=eKgPY1adc0A

Answer 4

"I really respect Sting, I don't listen to his music but the fact that he is making it, I respect that"

Zoolander

"I killed a man, with a Trident....yea I saw that"

Anchorman

"perhaps if we build a large wooden badger"

"you must go into the forest and cut down the tallest tree withhhhhh...... a HERRING"

"It's only a model"

^ from monty python and the Holy Grail

Answer 5

"if the boys like you, then who cares!"

---anonymous

Answer 6

Mine:  If you don't have a condom Saran wrap and a rubber-band will do just fine:)

Answer 7

John Wilmot, Earl of Rochester

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.

Answer 8

"some men are longer then others"........"ahhhh your mothers been telling you stories about me again"

braveheart

Answer 9

"Brick whered you get a hand grenade" Anchorman

Answer 10

There once was a man from Nantucket,

His d i c k was so big he could suck it.

Answer 11

"I'm in love with you but you just want to stay friends and I'm totally cool with that"

Answer 12

I kind of like a couple I made up..."When I'm good, I'm good but when I'm bad, I'm BETTER!"  8^)  and..."Laughing is the best thing you can do with your clothes on!"

Answer 13

The internet is a great way to get on the net."

- Bob Dole, Republican presidential candidate

"Cuz its friday You aint got no job and you aint got **** to do! FRIDAY

Answer 14

Time lines? Time is not made of lines, I T is made of circles that is why clocks are round!!!!

-Caboose

Red vs. Blue

Answer 15

i like

"men are like purses: they're full of c**p and can be replaced !"

:D

Answer 16

All you need is love, but don't throw away the blender, love can't make margaritas

Answer 17

From celebraties it would have to be

Paris hilton: Walmart? is that where they sell walls?

Jessica simpson: Is this tuna or chicken? (Its chicken flavored tuna )

"Never underestimate the power of cleavage"

and

"Don't make me go all white girl on you"

Answer 18

"We're going streaking, down by the quad and into the gym, bring your green hat there snoop-a-loop"  or "honey, do you think KFC is still open" or "if you don't chew big red then F you"..

I just love Will Ferrell!!

Answer 19

to Zap: that first quote was by Mae West, a famous actress in the 1930's, u couldnt have made it up.

“I went out with a guy who once told me I didn’t need to drink to make myself more fun to be around. I told him, “I’m drinking so that you’re more fun to be around.”

~Chelsea Handler

This one isnt really funny, but its my favorite:

You know what's wrong with you, Miss Whoever-you-are? You're chicken, you've got no guts. You're afraid to stick out your chin and say, "Okay, life's a fact, people do fall in love, people do belong to each other, because that's the only chance anybody's got for real happiness." You call yourself a free spirit, a "wild thing," and you're terrified somebody's gonna stick you in a cage. Well baby, you're already in that cage. You built it yourself. And it's not bounded in the west by Tulip, Texas, or in the east by Somali-land. It's wherever you go. Because no matter where you run, you just end up running into yourself.

-Breakfast at Tiffany's

Answer 20

"No, Emmett, I just punched a werewolf in the face." ~Bella Swan from "Eclipse" by Stephenie Meyer.

Answer 21

this isn`t really funny but it is my favouite quote ever: I`m like a betterfly, pretty, but hard to catch

Answer 22

"Go back to the kitchen woman"

Answer 23

this is my all time favourite no doubt bout dat its sick

Murphy's Law ("If anything can go wrong, it will")

http://www.murphys-laws.com/

Answer 24

"God gave men 2 heads but only enough blood to operate one at a time" Robin Williams

that cracks me up

Answer 25

Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

Answer 26

He who laughs at the misfortune of others understands the meaning of life.

B-square:  You should have joined Boy Scouts.  Then you would have learned that those who don't come prepared, don't come at all.   Or something like that.  I know it was something about being prepared.

Answer 27

You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy,the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America’s Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn’t want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named Bush, d**k, and Colon. -Chris Rock

Answer 28

"sometimes they have to hit rock bottom before you can help them. And by then, you've lost all interest."

-- Seinfeld, Jerry and George

Answer 29

"You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'd**k', and 'Colon.' Need I say more?" -- Chris Rock

Answer 30

Mine is:

"Morons, your bus is leaving."  Groundhog Day

"Fat man in a little coat, fat man in a little coat."  Tommy Boy

"Ouch, that's going to leave a mark."  Spaceballs

"I don't own a gun let alone many guns that would necessitate a gun rack."   Wayne's World

Ok.  So I can't pick my favorite.  Oh well.

Answer 31

"Love what you do. Do what you love." - Wayne Dyer