Your honest thoughts on this poem?

Question

Caution," the sign reads

Still we move forward without a care

The hills run through the landscape

Giving way to the mountains that have eyes

Mystery presents itself thick

Shadows bounce off of the clouds

As the sun finds comfort behind them

Thunder cuts the silence in half, beating its drum

Picking up the pace as we spin in circles

Striking lights from the heavens balance the rhythm

As the dead walk amongst us, we are one

Darkness in the sky opens up and tears us a summer rain

Cleansing the soul, making us free

You and I sound better together as 'we'

Let it all go, into the wide open where all secrets are kept

It isn't made to be understood, or questioned

Just enjoy the experience

The experience, that is the knowledge

That we always overlook

Take it in, come aboard and just ride

Answer 1

Really good. I love a thought defrequence

Answer 2

I thought you were going somewhere else entirely with this and enjoying it but your last 6 lines just went a 90 degree.

I think it's 2 different poems myself.  Your first one should end at 'cleansing the soul, making us free' and it's a perfect ending right there.

(don't think you need to use the line 'you and I sound better together as 'we' at all)

Then the second poem stands on its own beautifully as well but seems to say something quite different altogether to me:

Let it all go, into the wide open

where all secrets are kept.

It isn't made to be understood,

or questioned

just the experience;

THAT is the knowledge

we always overlook.

Take it in; come aboard and just ride.

Excellent writing Angel.  It could be presented so much better. For instance, you could sure make it easier on the reader with some punctuation (commas and semi-colons for pausing and better flow not to mention some periods and stanza breaks.)  But keep in mind that any editor can insert these things to make up for lack of structure, etc., it's the product you've written, the soundness of the write that is ultimately the most important thing in the end.

Answer 3

I don't really know much about poetry, but it does seem to have significance to my current situation in some abstract way.

Thank you for that.

Answer 4

I like it.  Not sure what it's supposed to be about - maybe describing a rocky relationship that's starting to improve, or maybe just a general admonition about living your life for the experiences, not for the achievements.  Whatever, I like the vibe.

Answer 5

I only have one word to say about this poem...Wow!

Answer 6

You paint a vivid picture with your words of the landscape, the experience, and the summer storm.  I love the lines

"Striking lights from the heaven's balance the ryhthm

As the dead walk amongst us, we are one"

There is indeed mystery in the heavens, in the mountains, in the ride itself. The last four lines are not only eloquent and provocative, they are wonderful words of advice.  Thank you.

Answer 7

I like it :) This is bloody fantastic! You have a rare talent. Oh my, this is just so evocative!

Answer 8

Way better then I could ever do however I can't seem to find a main focus, maybe a title would help and also it may just need to be put into coloms. good flow though

Answer 9

the words are great buy the meaning isnt that clear. I give it a 6 out of ten