Your kid is being babied too much!?

Question

I teach Pre-kindergarten and have 4 students whose mothers baby them... to the extreme. Their shortcomings are: the inability to drink from a cup (only use sippies at home), inability to use a fork or spoon (mommy feeds them in the mouth still), boys who don't pee standing up and one in diapers still, baby babbling instead of speaking clear words. So my question is, how can I tactfully tell these parents that their children are behind and need to become more independent? I'm not a parent yet and would like to hear some tactful ways to break it to them, better yet if you can do it in spanish.

Answer 1

I'm not sure... but, isn't one of the requirements of enrollment that the child has to be potty trained? and able to feed him or herself or drink from a cup? As for tact, I don't know... remind the parents that these kids will enter kindergarten, next year and is definitely required to have those skills before then.

Answer 2

Oh do I ever understand where you are coming from! The problem! - Parents usually don't want to hear tips on parenting from teachers.  I have cared for other peoples children for over 35 years, and it is pretty much the same.  Until the child complains or wants something different then nothing you can say will be taken kindly.

I had a 4 year old in my care. He was almost 5. He couldn't dress himself. Couldn't do buttons or zippers. I tried to work with him but he just wasn't interested. I approached his Mom about the problem, telling her I was concerned about his entering kindergarden and not having these basic skills. Most 2 1/2 year olds can dress them selves and zip and at least try to button.

She listened and then left. She quit bringing her little boy.  She was convinced that he was her baby and he was too young to have to do these things.  Spanish people are even more adamant about babying their children. It just seems to be a culture thing of some kind. So all I can say is good luck. Try to convince them of where their children should be or could be in these areas. Progress reports might work here!  And then just do what you can to teach the children and bring them up to where they should be.  With pre-school children it's just part of the job!

I had a little guy who came to me at 6 months old a few years back. He wasn't even rolling over. He was quite content to lay there.  Well, I layed him on his tummy to play, a position his mommy claimed he disliked immensly!  Within two weeks he was rolling over front to back and back to front. He just hadn't had enough floor time to practice his moves.  As child care providers and teachers we have to do whats best for the child. And sometimes that means going around the parents codling tactics along the way. Good luck! It's a wonderfull job!!!

Case in point - Purple party girls comments stated above!

Answer 3

You didn't say how old the children are, or what EDUCATION you have to insist that they are behind, so I cannot honestly give you any advice other than to go into another profession if you don't KNOW HOW TO HANDLE YOURSELF, AND THE THINGS YOU MUST COMMUNICATE TO PARENTS OF THE CHILDREN THAT YOU HANDLE... especially, if they are Spanish speakers and you are not!

FIND ANOTHER JOB!!!

Answer 4

One of the ways that you can do this is to provide "Progress Reports" for these children, but you might want to do it for all of the kids that you care for so that they don't view your report as biased.  You can include several areas on the report, including milestones that these children have reached, are excelling at, and those that need working on.  Be sure to have a comments section where you mention the good things that their children are doing as well as what they need to work on.  

This will help provide a balanced report so the mothers don't think that you are picking on their parenting skills and you can limit the report simply to behavior and keep your emotion out of the picture.  These moms may not know what should be expected of their children in this developmental phase and worrying about "skating on thin ice" is not going to help them get their kids ready for social interaction in a real school setting.  A tangible paper report will provide them with positive reinforcement as well as constructive feedback that they would need to get their kids ready for learning.

Answer 5

Your first step would be to start doing some written evaluations. Without knowing the children's ages, it is impossible to be able to give you a more accurate answer. You need to start observing and documenting and after a few days of doing that for each child you are concerned about, compare your notes with developmental milestones that you know they should have either already reached, or should be working on. Then you need to use those findings to write out a goal for that child to reach the next milestone using what you know they have already learned.

As a teacher it is your role to not TELL a parent what is "wrong" with their child, but to look to yourself to see what you can do in the classroom utilizing the tools of observation and knowledge.

In parent teacher conferences, this tool is excellent. You can bring out your written observations and show the parents...this is where your child is, this is where he should be, this is my goal for him, what things are you noticing at home.

This way is best because you are not approaching the parent with a "teacher knows best" tact, you are using your knowledge and expertise to tell the parent that they are needed in their child's development and asking them for ideas and suggestions and including them in your program specifically designed for their child.

When a parent feels that you are going above and beyond for their child, more than likely they will jump on board.

I use this method. I have yet to have any complaints or awkward meetings.

Of course, you will get the occasional parent who just won't listen or will think you are wrong. Maybe there is a culture difference or even a language barrier that makes the situation harder than you feel it should be. However, your chosen venue, being a teacher, means that you should have the patience (not all the time of course) to not only search and try the best avenue into helping the children in your care, but also looking into helping those families with difference in culture and language barriers as much as the other families because the children are your first and foremost priority in the classroom.

I hope this helps.

Answer 6

Don't try.  You will only get static, and maybe a black eye.  They are definitely babying them too much, but they think they are doing their kids a favor by raising them to be wimps.

I feel badfor you.  Try to hang in there.

Answer 7

Provide parents with a developmental milestones check list as part of a newsletter or inserted with their bill or other notices that they get.

Another tactful way to go about is this:

Make some lessons pertaining to the skill they should be able to do and send a home connection letter asking the family to help their child practice this skill.

You can also send home positive notes :

Like " sue is doing a great job using silverware! or "When mike spilled his cup today he did a great job helping to clean it up, and he seems to be getting the hang of using it more each day"

Ask what they do at home to help with "Jon's" aim when toileting?

You don't want to come right out and tell them their child is behind, they may get definsive.

You can encourage these skills in your classroom and explain to the children that when they are at school they are allowed to use the silverware, that they have to feed themselves, and they need to get their pee in the toilet so it does not smell or so someone else does not step in it.

As for the child that is still in diapers at four years old you need to know if it is because he is unable to be potty trained or if this is a mom issue? There could be a medical reason, a developmental reason, physical reason, or even a issue from mom. If he is an early four (just recently turned 4) then it is not that big of a deal but if he is an older 4 (closer to 5) then there may be something wrong.

Answer 8

Your skatin' on very thin ice there,..to tell a mom what to do with her kid, you might get a bloody nose. It won't do a d*mn bit of good anyway. They are going to do as they please.