Your opinion please? I would value any sensible comment?

Question

I am a step mother and get on well with my adult step children. My husband and I are about to go on an extended holiday. Whilst we are away my step-daughter has arranged for her mother in law (who lives a couple of hours away) to stay in our house for about three days. My step-daughter volunteered the house before asking us so made it a fait a compli before we could make any input.

When we leave the house it is shut down and secured and I feel uncomfortable about leaving this responsibility to someone else when they leave my house. Basically I also feel that if one has guests it is normal for the house owner to be there. My step daughter has a three bedroom house with two children so I see the logic of not disturbing the children from their rooms or putting the mother in law on the sofa bed overnight. I am torn between trying to be rational and being resentful that our house is being used as an overflow bed and breakfast.

As this community is full of age ranges and nationalities I would be pleased to know how you would feel about such a situation.

Answer 1

i agree with joe p .. your step daughter is out of line, shes offered your house whilst your away without telling you until now to someone .. you berely know

Answer 2

You are entitled to feel a bit upset - it is not up to your step daughter to offer your house (or anyone else's!) to other people!  Especially when you are not there!

If I were you, I'd grit my teeth and get through this incident.  Just stress to her politely but firmly that she is not to do this again (but wait til after the event to avoid any more stress than is necessary).  

Answer 3

I think your step daughter was out of line in offering your house to someone else.  If you are uncomfortable with it i would call her and explain to the mother -in law what happened and that she cannot stay there.  I am sure she will understand.

Answer 4

I think your stepdaughter is well out of order. tell her in no uncertain terms its up to you who stays in your home. can your husband back you up? I dont think she would like it if you done the same to her would she? Tell her straight, NO. be assertive.

Answer 5

I don't see the problem, it would be nice for her to see her mother in law for a few days, and i doubt they will be having wild partys or anything. Your house will be looked after by an older lady so i am sure it will be safe.

Answer 6

Put all of your "personal & couple" items into your bedroom and put on a padlock.  No kidding!  She can sleep in one of the kid's beds and they can have fun camping on the couch or something else.  You don't need her or anyone going through your and his personal papers and belongings.  Because that's what she'll do or the kids will.  People just do that.

Answer 7

I can see why you're worrying. Your house is a very personal and familiar space and having someone ''exploring'' or ''invading'' it while you're away can feel quite awkward. Like that other user, I would suggest you put some of your belongings somewhere inaccessible and talk to your step-daughter about the security measures you expect them to take (locking the front door, closing windows, etc), some of which I'm sure are just common sense. I would also tell her to keep an eye on the house.