Your thoughts on this poem I just wrote?

Question

This is in memory of my Grandfather.

I have honestly never attempted to write a poem before, it just came to me.

(Hopefully the title is correct, my French is horrible.)

It is called "Gloire dans le Silence".

A lasting sound

from the tranquil tap of his hands,

the withered hands

of the piano man's floating melody

is a darling sound to behold.

yet there is glory in silence,

as you play your last song without stirring.

the closing song fades into a memory,

that will never be forgotten.

I didn't edit this or anything similar, and would appreciate your thoughts on this poem?

Answer 1

that's pretty good :)

could flow a little better... but it's awesome for a first try !

Answer 2

Well, for somebody who has never written a poem before, you are very talented. So basically, you're describing your grandfather playing a song on the piano, but then also showing the meaning behind his new silence that lets you remember him.

The only suggestion that I would have is improving how you divide your poem, or adding different punctuation, just so it flows a little better. So maybe dividing it like this:

"A lasting sound from the tranquil tap of his hands;

the withered hands of the piano man's floating melody,

is a darling sound to behold.

Yet there is glory in silence,

as you play your last song without stirring.

The closing song fades into a memory,

that will never be forgotten."

I think you did a really good job; your grandfather would be proud.

Hope I could be of help.

Answer 3

wow. that poem is beautiful.  really great job!  

:)