(for anyone that was adopted) how did you react when you found out?

Question

How did you react when your adopted parents told you?

Answer 1

I was adopted and my mum told me when I was 7 and at the time I didn't think anything of it, but the older I got the more curious I got about my background, my history, did I look like my birth mother or father, did I have any brothers or sisters just stuff like that. I had a very happy life with my mum and dad and it made me feel disloyal to think about wanting to know this other stuff. When I was 20 I managed to trace my birth mother for a programe that the BBC were doing. I wasn't interested about a relationship with the birth mother, I managed to obtain information that satisfied my curiosity. I would certainly advise ( in a nice way ) that anyone putting a child up for adoption to write down a few details for the child to read later in life, it means so much, for example recently I had information sent on to me from the original adoption agency, that I was breast fed, that little snippet meant a lot to me. Sorry hun i've wittered on a bit x x x x x x

Answer 2

I can remember being really proud about it, it made me different from everyone else. I think my parents had to physically stop me from telling every random person we met that they werent my real Mum and Dad

P.S. I ws fortunate enough to have been told as soon as I was able to understand the concept (I think I was around 3). I have heard stories of people who were not told until much later in life and this having a profound negative effect on them

Answer 3

Well, for me, there wasn't a time when I DIDN'T know.  I think it's much more traumatic for children if you wait to tell them.  The most important thing is for parents to not act like adoption makes their child weird or bad in any way.  When you hide something, it's normally a secret you don't want people to find out about.  That can negatively affect your children if you have that attitude because they may feel THEY are something to be hidden or ashamed of.  

So, to me, as an adopted child, the best thing to do is tell them from the beginning when they are old enough to understand what it is - say 3 or 4.  They actually have storybooks now that help explain what adoption is which is just wonderful.

Answer 4

My best friend was adopted. Basically she always new, i mean she is asian and the rest of her family is german (uk blonde hair, blue eyes, etc.) so im pretty sure she figured it out on her own. But the best way was parents instilling it in their kids from the time they are born

I know someone who was 9 when they found out where horrifified. She was so in shock that her mom and dad would keep such a huge secret from her.

Answer 5

l wasnt--but l wish l had been.

Answer 6

I really didn’t have a reaction my parents told me from a very young age ( 2 or 3 years) so I always knew I was adopted. I think most people who have a traumatic experience are those who aren’t told till they are quite older,(older child, teen, if an adult) or they stumble upon adoption papers accident. It be so much easier in my opinion if parents just told their kids from a very young age. Even if they don’t completely understand at that point.

Answer 7

I always knew... I don't even remember it being explained to me.    It was never anything that came up because it was always discussed.  

A lot of people find it traumatic to find out when they are older, and I think it would be awful... as if your parents had lied to you.

Answer 8

I was fine with it, I just really want to meet my  birth mom.

Answer 9

When my sister found out years ago when she was about 12 she was horrified I mean she looks just like me and my family.

And acts like all of us too.

Everyone we meet can never believe that she was adopted since she kind of blends in so well lol.

But we all treat her the same and no one acts different since we are still family.

She learned to accept it soon after she found out,but the first few months she was miserable.Now,she is perfectly fine..and plus she's a lot older than me now lol...

My parents told her(and it is the truth) that she is very special because for the longest time my parents couldn't have kids and so they adopted her and a little boy,(they both are older than me) and then went on and had six more kids after them(including me)

(:

Answer 10

I knew someone that didn't find out until they were in their 30's.

She hadn't talked to her parents in quite a while because she felt they didn't love her as much as they loved her brother.  When she was a teenager, her parents found out there was a serious genetic disease that ran in the family and they were so worried that the brother might have it but never expressed  concern that she may have it as well.  She took this to mean that they didn't care for her and started to lead a trouble life.

After years of therapy, she decided to confront her parents about their "favoritism" which was when they finally told her.  Her father to this day regrets that they didn't tell her sooner.  She was horrified and relieved at the same time.  She has healed for the most part.

Answer 11

I don't know why adoptive parents keep it a secret. It will just make it harder.