(got jokes?) do you have funny jokes to share?

Question

the funniest jokes win.

Answer 1

When I go to wal-mart I throw skittles at people and yell "TASTE THE RAINBOW" and then they say "Have you tasted the rainbow?"

Answer 2

yo momma so ugly, when she went to the "who's the ugliest?" contest, the manager said, "no professionals!"

Answer 3

Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.

The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples." The king then said: "You have to shove the all of the fruit that you brought back up your butt without any expression on your face and without making any noise or you'll be eaten."

The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed. The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.

The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "Why did you laugh? you almost got away with it!" The second one replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy coming back with pineapples."

Answer 4

A blonde and a redhead went to the bar after work for a drink, and sat on stools watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge, and the blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump.

Sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead $50. The redhead said,

"I can't take this, you're my friend."

But the blonde insisted saying,

"No. A bet's a bet."

Then the redhead said

"Listen, I have to tell you that I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money."

The blonde replied

"Well, so did I, but I didn't think he would jump again!"

there were 8 blondes who came into the store chanting 28 days 28 days it only took us 28 days everybody was confused wonder what they had accomplished in 28 days finally before they left the waiter asked what took you guys 28 days and they responded proudly we just finished a puzzle and on the box it said 3-6 years

those are my PERSONAL favorite :)

Answer 5

A man went to his doctor because he couldn't sleep properly. Each night he would dream that he was a tee pee or a wigwam and immediately wake up.

The doctor thought for a minute and then said "I think you're two tents".

(If you don't get it, try reading it out loud).

Answer 6

A man walked into and said ouch

Old I know but still funny

Answer 7

you momma so stupid, she put a quarter in the meter and waited for her change.

Answer 8

1. Men are like .......Laxatives ..... They irritate the c**p out of you.

2. Men are like ......Bananas ...... The older they get, the less firm they are.

3. Men are like .......Weather ..... Nothing can be done to change them.

4. Men are like .....Blenders ... You need One, but you're not quite sure why.

5. Men are like .....Chocolate Bars ... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.

6. Men are like ....Commercials ...... You can't believe a word they say.

7. Men are like Department Stores .... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.

8. Men are like .. Government Bonds ... . They take soooooooo long to mature.

9. Men are like .. Mascara ..... They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

10. Men are like ......Popcorn ..... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

11. Men are like .......Lava Lamps ... Fun to look at, but not very bright.

12. Men are like Parking Spots ....... All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

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I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take a leave. I thought that maybe if I acted 'CRAZY' then he would tell me to take a few days off. So I hung upside down from the ceiling and made funny noises.

My coworker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing? I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think I was 'CRAZY' and give me a few days off.

A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked 'What are you doing ?' I told him I was a light bulb. He said 'You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days.'

I jumped down and walked out of the office. When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss said to her, ' And where do you think you're going?

(You're gonna love this..... )

She said, 'I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark!'

Answer 9

a Reverend, a Nun and a Rabi walked into a bar.

the bartender said: what is this a joke?

Answer 10

yo mama so old she owes Virgin Mary a dollar!

One day A little boy took a shower with his father and he asked daddy what is that thing? it's really big!

"son that is my limo"

The next night The little boy took a shower with his mother and he asked mommy Whats that thing? it's like dad's but smaller!

"honey that is my ummmm garage!"

at night the little boy sleeps with his parents and wakes up in the middle of the night and says "LOOK OUT MOM DAD IS PARKING HIS LIMO IN YOUR GARAGE!!!"

Answer 11

The Missing Period

A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little boy called upon walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down.

Puzzled the teacher asked him just what it was. "It's a period," said the little boy.

"Well, I can see that," she said, "but what is so exciting about a period?"

"Darned if I know," said the little boy, "But this morning my sister was missing one, Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted and the man next door shot

Answer 12

the teachers asked Josh to point out where is America in the map, then say that's correct Josh, then the teachers ask students: who discover America?  All the students reply Josh did.

Answer 13

stupid one

IM SO HIP,YOUR GRANDPA BROKE ME lol