"Covering the cost of your plate" survey?

Question

Do you advise people to "cover the cost of their plate" when they ask about wedding gifts?

Yes or No?

What state are you from?

Answer 1

NO way that is just plain rude to ask.  A wedding gift can range from 75 if you are not that close to the couple to 200 if you're close family I typically give 100 bucks if they dont like it too bad....Im from NY

Answer 2

Massachusetts

Absolutely not.  My wedding gifts are the same for my friends who don't have a lot of money and my friends that do.  My income doesn't change and I don't think I should have to dip further into my wallet because someone decided to spend more on their wedding.

It's not that I am not generous, I give a gift at weddings, I just don't believe that the size of my gift should matter on the size of the wedding.

Answer 3

the general rule is that you should cover the cost of your dinner and add a bit extra (MA wedding planner)

Answer 4

No - I usually do not advise people of that. Most of the time if people ask I think the typical answers is you give a gift based on how well you know the couple...but everyone is different. I live in California.

Answer 5

i think that's just a ridiculous thing to say.  does anyone serioiusly tell people...ok, your plate is going to cost $X...keep that in mind when giving a gift, thanks?  no!  a standard gift is $100-$200, regardless of what the plate costs.  i'm from chicago, now living in WI.

Answer 6

No Ive never advised anyone to cover the cost of their plate in lieu of a gift. I fed the guests at our wedding reception out of my pocket....

I'm from California.

Answer 7

Typically yes - NJ

EDIT: I don't mean it from a bride/groom point of view, but from a guest point of view, yes.

Answer 8

Absolutly Not.  You keep costs to what you can afford and then invite people to come celebrate with you.  It is just a big party and no one charges friends to come to a party.  I am from New York

Answer 9

I have never heard of such a thing.  Sounds pretty d**n rude.

From Wyoming

Answer 10

I would never think about asking a guest to cover the cost of their plate. I didn't even know that there are brides out there who have the audacity to be so forthright.

To be honest, if a couple asked me to get them a gift that covered the cost of my plate at their wedding, I would undoubtedly get them something worth much less on purpose.

Answer 11

Hi.  NO....never heard of this and I NEVER give that as advice.  I'm grew up in Michigan and live in Michigan.

Since I'm the fourth one that has posted from Michigan, and then along with Chesney from Ohio, you can definitely say that this is NOT a "Midwest thing."  

I think that you will generally find that this advice comes from those living in the northeast portion of the country.  Hmmm...very interesting.

Answer 12

I've never heard of this.  I'm from Michigan.

Answer 13

I'm from NJ and while I think the concept is nice - as in "in an attempt to try to not cost the couple money in the long run, its a great idea to try to give cash enough that would have covered the cost of your plate" - I don't see how it is realistic.

I do not ask the maitre'd how much the couple paid for my meal, nor do I try to contact the venue before putting money in the card.

I view it as a generality that means "don't be stingy!  the couple is paying a good chunk of change for my behind to occupy a chair and eat the food".

I make the judgement that the cost of my plate shouldn't be more than $100 so I give that as my minimum and more if I can afford it ($200min if I'm bringing a date).  I certainly wouldn't change how much I put into the envelope if I suddenly found out that each plate cost $300.

I will add, nobody has ever had the bride or groom disclose how much they were paying, nor does anyone ask them.  You gauge the amount based upon the venue and formality of the wedding.  A backyard BBQ wedding isn't the same as a sit-down 5-course dinner at a fancy venue.

I don't give this advise, but I keep it in the back of my mind for personal reference when I am giving a cash gift at a wedding.

Answer 14

After reading other people's answers, I think they are under the impression that the bride and groom go and tell guests how much they are spending on each plate as a benchmark--THIS IS INCORRECT.  You shouldn't make assumptions like that.

I'm from NY and generally, we do this.  You GUESSTIMATE about how much a plate will cost and use that as a benchmark.  Usually we give about how much we think it is and add more to it.

What's tacky is if the bride and groom TELL you how much it is, but it's not tacky if the guests take it upon themselves to hazard a guess and use that number to steer how much they want to give.

Answer 15

No!  I've never even heard such a thing!  

You have a registry, if people ask about a gift they are refered there.  Gifts are just that - gifts, done out of the kindness of hearts & at the level they are able to give.

Answer 16

Personally as a guest I try to give within my budget more times then not I do cover our plates plus. They were nice enough to invite us to share a special moment in their lives we should be thankful! Many people don't get invited because of cost, or not enough room, it only fair to the bride and groom something they can enjoy!

As a recent bride I didn't expect our guest to cover there plate I just want every one who RSVP to show up and enjoy our day! I think if you bring extra guest (not invited) you should cover all plates and give bride and groom an apology. I had this happen ended up costing us and extra $600 and they made scene at the reception (ugh).

So no I don't expect it but I do it because it the nice thing to do!

Answer 17

omg i seen that once on some wedding show i think its gone over about as good here as it did with the wedding planner ...like evryone else i think its a bad idea i used to think it was an insult to not be invited to the wedding but invited to the reception like im not good enough for your wedding but you want a gift that was till planning my wedding and i realised you spend more in food and centerpieces and little gifts for each seat then you may get in gifts but...thats life they are going to give you what they can give you my advice would be when they ask just say anything their comfortable with ....if you need something for the house maybe a start a regestry if you and your husband have been together for years and dont need newlywed things then you can ask for whats it acalled ? a greenback wedding but some even think thats rude but not to worry alot of guests nowdays will stick money in a card as a gift anyway you can make up a little wishing well decorated and they put their cards and or money in the slot very pretty

http://weddingcentre-wi.com/shopsite_sc/...

as this im starting to think that people are mis understanding you that your not asking for a gift AND for them to pay for their food just asking for minimum to cover their dinner....but regardless its probably best not to open that can of worms even if you intentions are good.... just go with the flow if theres something you want or need then you can let people know but then you run into possable duplicates so again maybe registry is a good idea or just wait it out and see who gives you what.....try to relax and enjoy this time good luck and congratulations

edit - i forgot to say im in massachusetts

i just wanted to say man i wish i had friends like some of you 100-200 for wedding gifts ? must be nice i certainly am not in that same financial crowd the only person i could maybe concider that is if my mom were to get married LOL the average of most gifts given and recived around 25-50 dollars in a card LOL thats why i said as while planning my wedding we shelled out more in food drink centerpiece that were raffled off individual gifts/tokins for each person at the table....its just the way it it i forgot who said it but they nailed it you invite these people to share your special day with you because its important to you THEIR important to you....

Answer 18

I'm in PA.  The "rule" is you give a gift (money, or purchased) that at least covers the cost of your plate, but I would NEVER tell someone what that was and thus what they should be looking to cover!

Answer 19

NO, NO and NO. I think that is very rude.  It is a wedding not a restaurant.

I am from Michigan.

OK, this may sound stupid but by "covering the cost of your plate" do you mean that the guest will give the bride and groom cash to essentially cover their food or is this in regaurds to how much to spend on a wedding gift???

If it is the latter the answer is still NO, it is rude to tell guests how much to spend on a wedding gift.

Answer 20

Yes and No. New England.

Weddings here are very expensive, so people here strongly advise that and it's kind of expected.

I do not follow it to the T, but I try to be very polite and give generously when invited to a wedding.

This is a better option

www.theweddingenvelope.com

It gives you a suggestion on how much to give factoring in several things (transporation, state, household income etc.) It's a great tool!

Good luck

PS/ I absolutly agree with Corp City. She said it best.!!!

Answer 21

Greetings from Michigan,

It depends. I get married in 5 weeks here at the Ventican Club in Madison Heights Michigan. The cost per plate is about 40 dollars not including tax, tip etc. I am having around 150 people.. Honestly tho money is nice to get but not expected and my grandparents say the rule is pay for your plate,

This Idea didn't come from Michigan, My grandparents from Eastern PA said that it was the rule. People give whatever they feel like giving.

Answer 22

i am not a bride but as a guest if i know where the people are getting married at i usually cover my plate.on average i give between 100-150.im from long island ny.

Answer 23

Never and I'm from Michigan as well.

You give what you wish and what you can afford.  It doesn't need to be anything more complicated than that.

Answer 24

Rude, tacky and selfish.

A wedding reception is nothing more than a party YOU are hosting.

Answer 25

No.. Seems completely rude to me,

California

Answer 26

I'm from Texas....

I just got married and we didn't even want to register for gifts.  We're in our 30s and well established.  We did end up registering due to pressure from friends/family.

I usually give a more generous gift if the couple is truly starting out from scratch, but most of my friends are like me and getting married a little later in life and already have all the basics.  I'd say we normally spend around $50 or so on a wedding gift.  I know that sounds cheap, but most weddings are much simpler/less expensive here too.  I've been to dozens of weddings and I think I only had a sit-down meal at 2 of them.  The rest are cake/punch and some light finger foods.

Answer 27

LOL! CorpCity, you're right.  Some people are idiots.  Sarcoplasm  I noticed that sometimes you get blasted by people who make too many assumptions on your questions.  Maybe you should word your questions simpler so these buffoons can actually understand what you're trying to ask.

As a guest to another guest (I agree with April here) I would advise them to give based on how well you know the couple.  I don't really go by the "covering the cost of my plate rule".  I live in Alabama, btw.

Answer 28

oh i think it's rude to ask a guest to purchase a gift that costs what their plate is. I do joke about it saying "they better bring me a gift that's worth the $55 I spent on that seat" but I don't mean it.

No. I am from Virginia.

Answer 29

Yes, I generally think it's a good idea to cover the cost of your plate or at least within 10 dollars (give or take) of it.    It's not that I'm trying to give back what the couple spent on me, but it's just a way to figure out how much to give. Which can be difficult.

I'm from Connecticut and my general rule of thumb is $100 when I attend a wedding alone and at least $150 when I attend with a date.  

Most of the time in Connecticut, a moderate, traditional wedding reception dinner (both sit-down or buffet) will run anywhere from $75-$100 (this usually always include open bar).  Typically, I've heard most couples pay between $85-$90 per guests.  So, I give on target for myself.  I would love to give a little more than $150 when I attend with a date, but right now that's pushing it.   But, the $75 per person is a little less (only $10-$15) less than what my plate my cost.  So, I think it's generally OK.

No one expects to make back what they paid for their wedding.  But, I generally like the "cover your plate" rule.  Also, the bride and groom don't normally walk around telling people the cost of the meal.   But, when you think about it, it's common knowledge.  Everyone has known someone that's gotten married.  People can usually gage the cost of the plate through conversation about particular reception venues (general talk, not specific to each couple) and through the type of venue they decided to hold their wedding in.

For example,  say your talking to your cousin about her wedding and she's saying site A costs $85 per person and site B costs $90 per person.   Now, when you're sister gets married, you might tell her what your cousin told you.  Your sister might reccommend those sites to a friend.  

So, through word of mouth, people generally know the price range for particular reception sites.  In addition, some sites list their base prices online.

Answer 30

Nope. I advise to give a gift based on their relationship to the bride or groom. If they're close, a bigger/more expensive gift.  If it's a bosses' cousin who sent out an invitation to everyone under the sun, a card alone reflects that relationship.

I'm from CA and my parents are from Louisiana, who taught me what I know about etiquette.

Answer 31

No

I'm from ohio

if i'd asked people to cover the cost of their plate only, that would have been 15 dollars.

No one knew how much their plate was, but everyone thought it was expensive... :)