"Have one, adopt one."?

Question

Well, it's this project im doing for class:

If each family (ideally having two kids) had one of their own, and adopted one, it could alter the future of so many homeless kids for the better.

what I want to know is why do people not adopt? why do they always resort to the option if it's their last?

any ideas?

Answer 1

Simple. People are selfish! People are not quick to adopt and when they do they look overseas a lot. My parents had 3 children of their own and have adopted 3 others. The youngest is still in high school and they do not plan on adopting anymore. However, I feel that they have made a huge impact on some kids lives who cloud have been another criminal or victim in society.

Answer 2

I can't imagine what your school project is about and if I gather correctly, you are asking different questions?

First, if someone said that the ideal family has two kids, they are foolish. It doesn't work like that.

Second, any homeless child's future is altered for the better if they are adopted and have a loving family and safe home.

Third, millions of people adopt. Some choose not to, some choose to have children and some do not.

Fourth, who is "they"?

Fifth, if "they" equals adoptive parents, "they" do not "always resort to the option if it's their last?

I CHOSE to adopt for many reasons, and one of them is because I couldn't conscientiously bring another child into this over-populated world, when they're are so many children who exist and need a home and family right now.

Gershom, maybe that's your idea that "it's to find the next white infant..." jibberish. You didn't bother answering ORNATEDREAMZ question, at all, just one of your clique members. Once again, I say that it should not have to rest on taxpayers shoulders to pay for the problems that people like you have burdened this planet with. Try being responsible for a change and accepting the consequences of your mistakes. Why can you not care about children and what is best for them? Don't bother answering-it's a rhetorical question. I repeat the ASPCA motto to you: Adopt one until there are none. In your case, along with your gang of anti-adoption zealots, do any and all children a big favor-Stay away from them.

Answer 3

There are a number of odd assumptions in your question.

Why is it ideal for each family to have two kids?  Some families are perfect with no children.  

While something must be done for children who are without caretakers, there are certainly not enough of those for each family to adopt one.  

And adoption is supposed to be about helping children, not fulfilling the needs of the parents to have children.

In the end, it seems more important to reduce the need for adoptions by working to improve conditions in society that lead to adoptions.  Some will point out, perhaps rightly, that adoption may sometimes be necessary.  But just because it may be necessary sometimes, that doesn't mean we shouldn't work to reduce that need, rather than accept it and spread it far and wide.  

I think your impulse here is good.  We ought to take care of children in need.  But I don't think advocating more widespread use of adoption is the best answer for that need.

Answer 4

Well I think one of the biggest reason that people avoid adoption is because of all the red tape. They ask so many intrusive questions. AND BASICALLY TREAT YOU AS IF YOUR GUILTY OF SOMETHING BEFORE YOU EVEN APPLY. THEY ACT LIKE YOUR AN AX MURDERER OR CHILD MOLESTER UNTIL THEY PROVE YOUR NORMAL!! IT TURNS PEOPLE OFF.

If you're considering becoming a parent through adoption, you already know you'll be entering into a rigorous process. A major component of that process is the home study, during which a licensed social worker investigates prospective parents to see if they are suitable candidates for adopting a child.

While you might cringe at the idea of having an outsider come in to assess your parenting capabilities, if you think about it from the child's perspective it makes sense. Basically, the home study exists as a safeguard for children. But it can help parents, too. "[The home study] gives people an opportunity to prepare for adoptive parenthood by looking back at where they've been and forward toward where they're going with a clearer vision of all the things that brought them to this point," says Renee Lubowich, an adoption social worker in Wellesley, Massachusetts.

With that in mind, here are some answers to common questions about home studies to help you get ready.

What Information Will We Need to Provide?

Specific home study criteria vary from state to state and, for international adoptions, from country to country. A local adoption agency can tell you what your state requires. If you're planning to adopt internationally, try to decide what country you want to adopt from before initiating a home study, says Sam Wojnilower, an adoption social worker and Russia program coordinator for Adoptions from the Heart, based in Wynnewood, Pennsylvania. That way you can avoid the time and expense of having to redo parts of the process to meet the requirements of a particular country. An agency that deals with international adoption can advise you of the rules for different countries.

In general, you can expect to be asked to disclose your medical history, including testaments to your physical and medical health, and your financial status (you don't have to be rich—just responsible). A social worker will also visit your home to, at a minimum, make sure there are no safety hazards and there is sufficient space for a child. Most states require a police background check and a child abuse background check; some also require federal criminal clearance.

States also give a lot of discretion to agencies, says Wojnilower, whose social workers will interview the prospective adoptive family, sometimes several times. Agencies might also ask you to write biographical essays, discuss your views on childrearing and discipline, or submit character references.

What Will It Cost?

Home studies usually cost at least $1,000 and can run up to $5,000. They are free, however, if you adopt a child who is a ward of the state in foster care. In those situations, the state covers the cost. (For more information on adopting children through the child welfare system, visit Adopt Us Kids, and check Is Foster Parenting Right for You (and Your Family?)

Can We Prepare?

You need to make sure your paperwork is in order, of course, but on a more personal level it can be helpful to take some time to think about (and be able to talk about) how adopting a child will affect your life.

Lubowich recommends reading about raising adopted children and considering the types of challenges you are prepared to take on in parenting an adopted child. "It's helpful for people to do some self-reflection about their views on parenthood and childrearing, and to think about how and why they have those opinions," she says. "In the case of a couple, it's helpful for them to think about places they might agree or disagree in raising children."

And while it's tempting to clean the house from top to bottom and put on your Sunday best before the social worker comes to call, Wojnilower says that's really not what the study is about. "I try to reassure folks that by the time we get past the very beginning stages they can feel comfortable because the requirements are largely objective," he says. "It's not, 'Do I like the furniture in your house, do I like how you dress, do I like your sense of humor?'"

Could the Home Study Findings Prevent Us from Adopting?

In the objective, paperwork department you could encounter setbacks if you have:

an arrest record (not in every case—Lubowich says it depends upon what type of arrest and how long ago it occurred)

certain issues in your medical or mental health history

a history of financial problems or a troubled financial situation

multiple marriages (one or two previous marriages probably won't hurt your chances but more than that might)

an unstable job history.

Some countries also have rules that might disqualify a particular family, such as parents' ages, how long they've been married, and current or past health problems.

Problems can also arise if the social worker senses any underlying issues that need to be resolved. For example, one spouse might be in favor of adoption while the other is not completely on board. In the case of transracial adoptions, it might become apparent during the home study that there's some discomfort with becoming a transracial family. If infertility has been a factor in the decision to adopt, sometimes one spouse is willing to stop infertility treatments while the other wants to try one more cycle. Wojnilower says that in these kinds of cases, an agency can provide some counseling but it might be necessary for the prospective parents to seek counseling elsewhere before continuing the adoption process.

Where Can I Get More Information?

"Read a lot," says Lubowich. "Find a support system. Talk with people who are a few steps ahead." She recommends contacting organizations like Families with Children from China, which has regional chapters, and Families for Russian and Ukrainian Adoption. Adoptive Families magazine has a helpful website. Books such as The Family of Adoption: Completely Revised and Updated by Joyce Pavao and A Love Like No Other: Stories from Adoptive Parents by Pamela Kruger and Jill Smolowe will also provide useful perspectives.

To read about the experiences and insight of adoptive parents who have been through the home study process, check out the article Adoption Home Study: Real-Life Stories.

HOWEVER I SUGGEST THAT PEOPLE KEEP IN MIND THAT ALL CHILDREN NEED A HOME AND LOVE. SO GIVE THE PROCESS A CHANCE!!

Children are gifts from God. It doesn't matter whether they are biological children, adopted children, or children born of a surrogate. They are all precious and all are ways to build families.

Like many others who have written here, my husband and I struggled with infertility. Our grand plan for building a family had always been to have one child biologically and adopt a child. When we discovered our infertility problems we went directly to our adoption plan. It was the best decision we ever made.

Most other moms who have written here seemed to have completed domestic adoptions. My husband and I decided to adopt a baby girl from China. We were excited about the prospect and completed our paperwork (the dossier) in record time: about two and a half months. It was sent to the Chinese government and we then waited for our match. Chinese adoptions are very popular in the U.S. for many reasons, most having to do with the straightforward approach of the Chinese government, the relative ease of the procedure (lots of paperwork but no major problems for most people), and the overall reliability of the program. Since many people have applied for adoptions, the wait for the Chinese government to match you with your child can be somewhat long. We waited nine and a half months from the time our paperwork arrived in China, to that magic day when we got "The Call" from our agency telling us we had a baby daughter.

Yue Ling Zhu was just seven-months-old, and waiting for us to come and get her. We received pictures of her, medical reports, nannies´ reports, and after completing some more paperwork, we flew to China for two weeks to complete the adoption and immigration procedures.

We came home with our precious daughter three days before Christmas in 2000. Rachel Anne LingZhu is now a thriving, precocious three-and-a-half-year old who is the absolute joy of our lives.

I have often said to family and friends that I believe very strongly in fate. Rachel was intended to be our daughter -- she just happened to be born in China. Adoption is an AMAZING experience and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Michelle

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The best advice I can give is don't be afraid to adopt! I was very nervous after six years of infertility and IVF treatments. I wondered if I could love this child as my own. How will she be accepted by family and society? Will she be healthy? How will she adapt? I worried through the whole process. We adopted our daughter on April 16, 2003 (her first birthday) from Russia. She is the best thing that ever happened to us and she was meant to be our daughter! Sometimes I find myself forgetting I didn't give birth to her because she fits into our family so well. She is healthy, happy, and the apple of everyone's eye. Three months after we got home I discovered I was pregnant! I am now 34 weeks along, and am having a girl. I used to care so much about getting pregnant; now I am just happy to give my daughter a sibling. I can't imagine loving someone as much as I love her. Interestingly, not only is Samantha's adoption day on April 16 (her birthday), but that is my due date, and my sister is due the same day! That is the type of miracles that bless those who adopt. I hate when people say, "Oh, if you adopt you will get pregnant" because for many that is not the case, but I can tell you that you WILL be blessed in many ways for opening your heart to a child.

Michele Lamb

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I am in the process of adopting my 21-month-old foster daughter whom I have had since she was two months old. The adoption date has been delayed a couple times, and the waiting has been very hard. The positive side of it is that she is with me and she is mine, although not legally (yet!). I have a friend who is waiting to adopt a child internationally and has been waiting over a year, while the child is bonding with someone else.

Diane

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Please consider all the children out there that are not newborns that need adopting. I was adopted at age 13. It is not a bad thing to want a newborn because we all do, but because I was adopted when I was older it was hard for me to understand why I had to wait and stay in foster care for so long because no one wanted me. My husband and I have considered adopting an older child once we are more stable. It would be a wonderful gift for an older child. Please don't forget about all the older children out there.

Jessica Brown

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After a very scary, costly and emotional two years, our daughter's adoption became final. We did everything right. We listened to everything our attorney told us, but that didn't stop the birth father from contesting.

The best advice I can give is no matter what anyone tells you, get the birth father's consent before anything! With the latest and sad news on two children having to be given back to their biological parents (which could have happened to us as well), it is obvious that birth fathers have more rights than in previous years. Don't go down the road we did.

If possible, have both parents sign off right away. I know every state has different laws. California has a thirty-day wait period where the biological parents can change their minds–however they can also sign right off. Do that if you can! I can't stress enough getting the consent of the birth father.

kristi