"I've been spending time alone doing not very much". Why do people struggle to accept that?

Question

I am a bit of a loner and sometimes spend time doing not very much alone. When people ask me what I've been doing, they seem to want to hear that I've been doing something concrete, and they seem to want reassurance that I've been spending time with other people.

I tend to give them a vague answer and then they ask a more direct question, which I hear to mean "it's not OK to be spending time alone doing not very much" or "I'm not sure I want to be your friend if you are spending time alone doing not very much".

Am I reading people correctly? I'm 31 and single male.

Answer 1

I agree with "TimWarneka" above.

It's absolutely ok to spend time alone, and to have some periods of productivity.

The compulsion to be productive comes out of our hyped-capitalistic society:  "Do more, produce, more, produce more wealth."

Introversion has a bad rep due to misguided psychologists that equate it nearly with almost-serial-killer potential.

Extroverts get their energy from interacting with others.  Introverts get it from within and being alone.

However, you may wish to consider bending a little and sacrificing some of that alone time (not all or even most) with your friends to keep them in your life.

Incidentally, if you would like to learn more about yourself, go to this website and take the free test:

http://kts2.personalityzone.com/user/reg...

     Once you've taken the test and have your 4-letter personality/temperament designator, go here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Myers-brigg...  and scroll down to the paragraph titled: "Type dynamics and development" and look to the right at the rectangle titled "The Sixteen Types" and find your four-letter type and click on it, and read about yourself!  If you answered the questions on the test honestly and accurately, you'll be amazed at how well you're described!

Answer 2

The struggle to accept it because it goes against their way of life.

It's like culture shock for them - they don't understand it, so they look for any way they can to demean it and make sure no one follows suit.

There are people who don't particularly like it when others don't fall on their knees and fawn over them like a puppy, and all too often in society people naively think that this is an okay thing to do if they feel the person is worth it.

People spend more time protecting the interests of one individual, as opposed to the many.

And in all honesty, it sickens me to the core.

Answer 3

I'm a loner! My father was a loner. My 2 brothers are loners. All 3 of us have had relationships and kids. But this was our choice to have privacy or it is not important to have others around us! People think loners are weird! Were not! I tell new neighbors and new friends that should not to be worried that i am just fine!  Be yourself.  And also my one brother is a hunter. That makes it more difficult for people to accept his lifestyle. He just is into killing those poor animals! lol That's my opinion!

Answer 4

Are you happy?

Ask yourself that. Some people are unhappy with there own company.

Personally I love my own company but I have a friend who "does his own head in" as he puts it.

If you are happy then tell them to go swivel. ha!

Answer 5

Don't bother yourself of what people say, they will always have something to ***** about, just be yourself and do what you feel like to do.

Answer 6

some people dont understand that some of us are ok with just ourselves for company, there's nothing wrong with it as long as you get out and see people every now and then

Answer 7

When you say you are reluctant answer I was just curious about something.Have you ever had an issue with short term or long term depression in the past? If so,that may explain why your friends are concerned about  why you want to spend time alone. They would only be trying to help you and be there for you.However it can also be seen as intrusive.We all like to have our private time and private space and that is "normal" whatever that is.We all enjoy being alone sometime which is entirely different from being lonely.Your friends probably do not recognize that there is a difference between the two.

Answer 8

I suppose it is just because everyone is so different, and the majority of people are like active lives with lots of regular company. Although I enjoy being with friends and out doing things, very often I like to spend time on my own as well, doing very little.

I enjoy my own company, but when I tell people that, I feel as though I should justify myself, by beginning the sentence with, "It's really sad, but I enjoy my own company...".

I find that when I spend a lot of time with a group of people, particularly in very active environments, that the only way I can re-charge is to hideaway on my own, for example over a weekend. I can even feel like that after a particularly stressful day at work.

As I said at the beginning of this brain dump, I don't think there is anything wrong......just different.

Answer 9

Extroversion and productivity are highly (one might even say 'overly') valued in our culture.

Consequently, introversion and non-productivity are under-valued and sometimes even pathologized culturally ... making it a struggle for many people to accept.

I love going backpacking by myself ... I've had the same experience of people thinking I'm nuts.

Hang in there. As long as the introverted time is not interfering with your life or others, it's all good. Let the culture hold the hangups.

:-)

Answer 10

yes since you spend too much time with yourself then you must be hiding something which makes most people in the world just as crazy as lunatics if not more

pathetic

bad minds what can you do

remain the same and enjoy your company ,,you cant sress yourself for the sake of others  

Answer 11

People just don't get it.

Plain and simple.

They don't get it.

Answer 12

I don't mind my own company. I always find something to do when I'm home alone and sometimes like you I don't do very much. As long as you are happy and not bored  thats great.Everyone's different. I have a friend who hates being on her own and if her family have all gone out she quite often goes out as well .Both of us are just ordinary nomal people I hope.

Answer 13

It's just like going to the cinema or restaurant by yourself, it's normal but most people think it's embarasing

Answer 14

perfectly normal.

some people prefer their own company almost exclusively.  see "schizoid personality" (nothing to do with scizophrenia btw!).

Answer 15

Some of those who question you are people who care for u. Hence, take their questions sportingly and nicely explain to them that u r happy, and just fine. Perhaps some just worry that u r feeling sad.

I understand ur feeling, coz I have been (and continue to be) in a similar boat.

Just tell them u worked on something or did a and b, and now u r just relaxing. you don't have to explain too much. the more u explain, the more people feel there's an issue.

sound confidant, at ease and happy.

once they sense ur energy, they can relax too.

some people will be pushy- yes. even our own family can be. just remain patient and let them speak whatever they need to, and state ur truth in a simple way. then change the topic and focus on THEIR life.

u can say "hey nothing exciting here....what's new with you". be down to earth (u dont have to exagerrate or make up anything) and Real.

ur true friends will be people who will stick by u no matter what.

if other friends dont like u for who u r what u do/don't do - it's not ur problem. let them go. let go of any friend who is not supportive, or makes snide remarks. a real friend never does that. a real friend is sensitive to ur feelings. u be ur best genuine self. be true to urself.

always remember, u r living ur life, not theirs. so u have to be true to ur feelings, thoughts, inclinations, choices, decisions..

take care..and don't worry.

be happy, whatever u do or don't do.

a lot of people don't realize that doing nothing is also doing something.

life's not just bout accomplishing and actions. it's also bout just BE-ing. that's a very spiritual thing...many don't get. life needs some balance. some seek it very naturally, others just can't relax.

don't become defensive/angry while answering, but don't be secretive either. everyone has their own attitude - it has nothing to do with you.

think of this situation as an exercise to develop more tolerance towards people. every challenge has seeds of learning and growth in it.

edit: i just read that u said the people asking u are the people whose friendships u dont wish to lose. if u lose them with ur saying that u r not doing much, are they worth what's called a "friendship"? that's a friendship with no substance anyway then.

be honest. if u r giving them an image of u, that's not true, then this friendship does not have a strong foundation.

true friends like u for who u are as a person, not what u accomplish, or what ur title/position in life is.

develop confidence in ur own self and with however u are. once u love urself, it really wont matter who loves u and who doesn't. if u are urself dissatisfied with yourself, it shows and others reaction might be not what u r looking for.

something else i thought of sharing with you - another advantage to being genuine is, u never know who u r inspiring. there was a friend of mine who said that he was inspired when he saw how comfortable i was living my life by myself and doing things alone. people might initially feel it's odd but trust me, they might be feeling different inside when they reflect on it. there are people who will feel inspired by ur life.

and also, there are people who question u becoz guess what - they are simply jealous. a lot of people don't have the freedom to spend time by themselves and envy others who make it happen.

so be proud of who u r and be comfy in ur own skin.

sorry for my extra long answer :)

Answer 16

You are obviously a person who likes his own company and there is nothing wrong with that. I like to be alone and have some time to myself but its hard cos i have a daughter (I have left her at my brothers and i am now enjoying time alone). Just tell them that you are happy to spend time alone cos its just the way you are. If they are real friends they will accept you for the way you are. You should not have to justify yourself to them. I hope this helps.

Answer 17

loners of the world unite!!!!! lol seriously though, we have way much more fun lol =)

Answer 18

If that is what you want to do then just do so.

Answer 19

Yes, you are reading it correctly.  I just make up stuff.  Ppl are uncomfortable with you if you are comfortable with yourself.  The way I see it If I don't like myself how can anyone else.