Hi,
I am 34 yo and have been with someone for 1 year and a half. Till yesterday.. I think. Our relationship had a lot of up and downs and I am very very tired...I feel empty and hopeless about the future..
So..to make it short, he was very vain and stubborn when I wanted to talk about my needs and I criticized even a bit.. Every time I had to treat him with 10 pairs of gloves, while he could tell me things that hurt me so much. This was sincerity.. But what if he tells you that you make his life miserable and that he can't wait to get rid of you only because you tried to tell him that you were bothered by his attitude or by something he said or did? He often told me that I must be clever and know how to get the best out of him, but I have never had the feeling that he would do the same.. I must be sincere to the bottom and say that I had one attempt of getting back with one of my boyfriends and went with him to Barcelona without telling him. I don't want to find an excuse, because the lie has no excuse. I just want you to know how miserable I felt and that I just wanted to feel appreciated again (and unfortunately played with my ex's emotions)... Nothing sexual, because at my age I cannot loose my time by fooling around without knowing what I want. I tried thousands of time to talk to him, to explain, to let him know what I wanted and needed, I told him, and he agreed, that if he really wants me and appreciates me, he will have EVERYTHING from me. I have my own appartment (he lived with me), I wanted to start a family with him, I helped him with money, I supported him moraly, I tried to understand him and not to limit his actions. He plays the guitar, so I encouraged him to pursue this passion. All I wanted back was his appreciation. He only sees my negative parts, emphazises them and is very very though when he is angry, he says words that destroy me.. Since my "escape", things went even worse. I know he can be very sweet, I have noticed he is very kind and supportive with his sister, so I told him that I expected from him to behave with me as he behaves with his sister.. Don't get me wrong, he did nice things, especially in the house (like buying and fixing things and so on), but there isn't that things that tells me that he cares about my feelings.. He left many times, just for simple arguments..and almost everytime it was me who called him.. I just don't think that two can make a house together like this! Love must be maintained all the time and we don't have to take anyone for granted.
He told me ocasionally that he loves me and doesn't want to loose me, but the reality of the facts doesn't reflect this. He kept telling me that I have to change, not him.. But it always take two in a relationship to make it work, I am right? Yesterday he took his things and left, without noticing me... It hurted so badly....! I always admitted my mistakes and did something to fix (talking or acting, like after my trip to Barcelona, when I changed my phone number, I gave him the password of my emails etc.. just to show him that I didn't want to talk to my ex ever again because that could harm our relationship very much). Briefly: "I would everything it takes, but just give me your attention and show me your love and care). There were lots of things, I don't want to write them all here, I have already said enough... Can anyone tell me what to do? My friends tell me to leave him alone and to move on..he doesn't deserve me..
It is hard for anyone else but me to know the whole situation exactly, because you don't know me or him and the whole situation objectively, but from what I told you... what would be the conclusion? I feel deeply depressed, as I feel my clock is ticking.. and have a terrible feeling of loosing time...
Thank you all!
C
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