"My Friend" I worked on this poem for almost two hours enjoy!!:] Please read:]?

Question

You took my heart you riped it to shreds climbed to the highest point and dropped it again leaving me to find the pieces So kill me with you lies and stab me with the shards of my broken heart.

My bones have been broken My back had been stabbed My skin has been cut My teeth have been chipped So take this pain away make my mind go numb give me the gun that will end it all Insirt the drugs that will make my heart go dead.

The blood runs thick on this painful night my only friend may be my demise always there for me when things get to hard But my friend I fear we've gone to deep this crimson liqiod is pooring out fast onto the floor in a pool of blood.

As I wrap a towel around my wrist my knees become weak I can not stand any longer my body meets the floor I cant move my eyes start to roll back as I begin an impossible battle with death it grabs a tight hold on my heart I cant breathe im gasping for air its not coming to me im trapped in this black whole no way out so as my soul

Answer 1

it's so sad and really descriptive [violent, ouch]

bravo on a good poem

Answer 2

firstly "RIPED it to shreads"?

and, someones a bit depressed

Answer 3

so... why'd u call it "my friend"?

Answer 4

OMFG!!!!!!

O-O

THAT'S SO DEEP!

I hope you don't mind me copying it. Can I put it on my piczo website??

OMGGGG   O-O   It's like - pure keepreading material.

2 hours? more like 2 days!  it's really good  :]

Answer 5

It's too wordy.  You probably don't need but about half of the lines you've written here.

And the 6th word of the entire piece is misspelled.  It's "ripped" not riped.  And in the last 8 words of the piece, it's "hole" not whole. Misspellings are completely distracting no matter how good you are.

Anyway, I suggest you set this piece aside and look at it over a week's period and pull out the lines that really represent what you are trying to say with this piece and then say it.  It's too long and drawn out and gory.  Just get to the point.