"Oligarchic" a poem does it make any sense, comments please?

Question

To those with heart cold

To those with eyes closed

To those with ears clogged

To those with nose clan

To those with mouth cant

How loud is a scream

We know of their scheme?

Answer 1

It makes sense to me.  As I read it, the powers that be, do not have a clue to what is going on - but we do.

Answer 2

It does make sense, the title sheds an amount of light on it. I'm going to agree with neonman about the lines that need work. Aside from that, it's up to the poets now, to make their words heard. However, I think we have a great start. Good message, good theme, good poem.

Answer 3

The corrections made by other posters are valid.  I understand what you are trying to say, but it is not really clear. I would rework the entire poem and then repost it. Good try!

Answer 4

Oligarchic:

government by the few.

a government in which a small group exercises control especially for corrupt and selfish purposes; also : a group exercising such control

I had to look it up.. and I still do not know what your message is...is it for or against something? You need to introduce a lot more clarity.

Answer 5

Initial response sans title:

In the scheme of things I see your fingers scream yet your olfactory senses are on strike. Flu-id writing. I can hear the kids making a mess (their whispers are like a scream) while I am sick in bed but I can't do a thing.

Reminds me of Dondi's migraine - I wonder how he is now.

2ndly connecting it to the title - who is muzzled us or those in charged? I am not into politics so I can't really connect on that level

Answer 6

The nose and mouth answers to me need some work.  I like what you are trying to say though.

Answer 7

I assume you meant "nose can" instead of "clan," And I assume that you meant can't=cannot instead of "cant" which is a real word that makes perfectly good sense also. I am not sure what the "nose" and "mouth" lines mean, because you evidently think it cool not to use any punctuation, except for the one which you put in the wrong place. It should go after a question, instead of a statement. So you have made the line about the scream a statement, and the line about the scheme a question.

So in answer to your question: no it does NOT make a lot of sense. You have made sure of that in at least four different places. If you are willing to fix this, I will be glad to respond again. Forgive me for being autocratic, but the rules of grammar and spelling are NOT kakistocratic.