"Sensitive" friend... please help?

Question

I have a friend who I've known since the end of 7th grade. We're going into 10th now. Ever since we've become close friends, she gets mad at me for the tiniest things. The first time was in 8th grade speech class when we were given the choice of doing a stage project alone, or memorizing a duet with a partner. She wanted me to be her partner but I didn't want to do it, becuase it would be just as easy to get a good grade and do a stage project. She got so mad at me and wouldn't talk to me for months. I would have avoided her, but we give her a ride home after school, so I can't. Then she got mad at me at lunch one time becuase I offered her half of a cookie, and offered my other friend a whole cookie. She didn't talk to me for months. She got mad at me during summer school too, and I don't even know why. I always tried to talk to her or just say idle things, but she'd either not answer, or she be all bitter and ignorant when she did answer. Now she is mad at me becuase I told my other friend when her birthday was. She's saying things like "I thought I found someone I could trust" and "that shows how much you consider me a friend" All I ever say to her is "I'm sorry" because, really, what does she want me to do? I can't go back in time. I would really like to be friends with her still, but when we are friends, she always wants me to basically do her school work and tell her answers and she wants me to go to the same college as her and stuff but I have a life of my own too. She's a really good person, but I don't know how to please her when all she does is get mad at me. I often have a hard time telling people "No, I just don't want to" or being stern with anyone. Do you think she is taking advantage of me becuase I try to be nice? She never gets mad at any of our other friends. Please help....

Answer 1

No, I don't think she is taking advantage of you because you are nice. I think the reason why she doesn't get mad at other friends is because she feels so close to you like you are sisters, so she can get mad without losing you forever.

I think you have to talk to her and point out how unreasonable you find her reactions and punishing you by not talking for months over things that she is being overly sensitive about. I too am way too sensitive, so I can relate to your friend and once in a while someone will be strong enough to speak up to me, and as hurtful as it is, I appreciate it cuz when I'm all sensitive and full of my hurt at someone, I can overlook at the bigger picture or how it's making the other person feel.

So without being confrontational, I think you should tell her that you need to have a talk, so that she will think twice the next time she wants to give you the silent treatment! That way, you can do your own thing, go to your own choice of college, say no to doing her homework and make whatever decisions you want without the fear that she will stop talking to you! You might want to point out to her that none of the things that she's been mad at you over, were mean intentioned or ill willed and meant to hurt her, but she is only hurting herself and she's the one hurting you by her reactions over them. Then give her the examples. You might tell her you offered half a cookie to her because you thought she's close enough friends to ask for more if she wanted more, whereas you were only being polite to offer a whole one to another friend cuz they're not close enough to offer a broken up piece to, that offering more of a cookie to someone doesn't equate to liking them more. Break it down to 1st grade explanations without making her feel attacked!

Answer 2

Omg....sounds like me kinda.

Just tell her if she keeps doing this, you won't be her friend. She is not worth it at all, THEN she'll feel sorry.

I know this sound harsh, but i did this to my one guy friend and i almost pushed him away. SO i started being stronger and not mad at anything for little reasons.

Answer 3

It sounds like she has some major emotional issues. Maybe she doesn't have many friends so whenever you do something tiny she is afraid of losing you? I'm not sure. She also may be taking advantage of you..and she sounds a bit controlling like what's the big deal if you tell people her birthday?

Answer 4

I think she is trying to take advantage of you, or she might like you in a way (sexual). Not being mean or anything

Answer 5

Don't be friends with her. I had a friend like her, and she did just the same. You DO NOT want to be in the situation my friend put me through. Just DONT stay friends with her, if you know whats good for you.

Answer 6

I bet you that she's afraid that by you telling other people her little things, like her bday, she's afraid that you'll end up talking bad behind her back and gossiping. She's probably had something like that before and she's scared that you might be a bad friend. Talk to her about it, and how you didn't mean to upset her, you just didn't know you were. Then take her to a pecial place, like the mall, and haave a vent shopping spree, where you each have $100 and buy stuff while you and her vent. Hope this helps.

Answer 7

She's not worth your time, you let her control you because you WANT her to like you, it happened to me if you end the friendship now you'll be happy you did it'll be much less stress on you later, shes a cheater lier and a selfish person, like i said shes not worth your time and energy!!!

Good-Luck!!!

=D

Answer 8

You have to talk to her. The reason she keeps getting mad at you is because she's probably afraid you might "dump" or "ditch" her, and she probably scared of that because she's had that kind of experience where a friend betrays her. She might not get angry at anyone else because she considers you her closest friend, in which she might care if she lost.

Answer 9

First of all....remember - you've done nothing wrong!

I think you need to talk to her and make her listen because its not very fair on you. If shes not worth losing then talk to her. Its the only way you'll ever sort things out =]

Good luck (Y)

Loves xxxx

p-s ...stay calm whatever you do and be polite =]

Answer 10

She's quite a piece of work. You have no choice: you must start practicing saying No and I don't want to. Your life is going to a living h**l if you don't start doing it.  Many of us have a hard time saying no. We don't want to look like a bad guy. But we have to, otherwise we'll be at the mercy of these bossy people. It doesn't stop in high school. You'll be meeting them at work when you're an adult. Next time she says "I thought you could be trusted", reply, "Guess I can't be." Don't ever apologize to her again. She sees that as weakness.

Answer 11

This might be hard to hear...

but

it kinda seems like she taking advantage of you or using you for the answers.

Its happened to me before, no matter how much you want to keep a friendship, if they dont treat you right then you need to stop being their friend.

Its hard, but its problebly for the better

Good luck :)

hopefully you find a friend that treats you better :)

Answer 12

She is grinding you for attention. I really think you should end this friendship. If she's not talking to you over half a cookie, that should say something right there.

Answer 13

sounds like she has a lot of issues...i think its time for her to move on...she needs to find other friends...she gets mad for the dumbest things then let her be mad...its not ur fault