Question:

"Under Martian Skies" reposted as "From Martian Sands." Does it scan now?

by Guest44995  |  earlier

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If this one doesn't work, I'm trashing it!!

From Martian Sands (A Rondeau)

by Elaine Polin

From Martian sands we poets sing,

With magic words our poems ring,

As immigrants from far-off lands,

We left our planet’s sick demands;

No more to dying Earth we cling.

Our years on Earth sad news did bring

Of torture, hatred, war’s sharp sting,

And now our songs soar on command

From Martian sands..

To Mother Earth our words we fling,

Beneath two moons we’re queen and king.

A million stars from Heaven’s band,

Above this blesséd virgin sand.

Shine down on songs as they take wing

From Martian sands.

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9 ANSWERS


  1. Now that I've studied the form (since yesterday)...I believe you've succeeded in hitting the standard. I am never sure though if using plural forms of nouns is a problem as far as rhyme is concerned

    Technical aside:

    I like the refrain.

    I also really like these lines:

    We left our planet’s sick demands;

    No more to dying Earth we cling.

    To Mother Earth our words we fling,

    Beneath two moons we’re queen and king.

    A million stars from Heaven’s band,

    Above this blesséd virgin sand.

    Edit: Thank you for the clarification (not that I rhyme much but it is nice to know--because I've generally avoided it).


  2. -`-`-`-`

    -`-`-`-`

    -`-`-`-`

    -`-`-`-`

    -`-`-`-`

    -`-`-`-`

    -`-`-`-`

    -`-`-`-`

    -`-`

    -`-`-`-`

    -`-`-`-`

    -`-`-`-`

    -`-`-`-`

    -`-`-`-`

    -`-`

    What could be more perfect?

  3. It sings and is triumphant but.......

    I preferred the previous revision "Under Martian Skies" as a refrain.

    (I'll play in the band instead of singing it. First Mouth Trumpet Jellz reporting for practice, Sir!)

    I understand the need to change but.... if it pleases the court, I would like to call to the witness stand a quote of yours from a recent answer to my q:

    "you don't have to play by the rules--as long as you know them--which you do!"

    I rest my case.

  4. You nailed it!

  5. Amazing! Probably the best poem I've seen since I got here!

  6. excuse please. nice example of poetry. what does it mean please?

  7. perfectamundo...It's a keeper.

  8. Thumbs Up!  Marvelous piece of work.

  9. And the sixth variation yields?  lol  At some point the poem needs to be set free.  I thought the last one was fine.  This I like also.  Now do you want me to confuse more?

    On Martian..............

    the magic..............

    as venturers.................

    we left our world with sick..........

    no more to Earth, dying...............

    Your's is hatched and done.  Smile and move on or we will be forced to take those blue pencils away!

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