(this is long) help please?

Question

so me and my fiancé have altogether 4 kids.. i have two girls a son with him and he has a son from a previous relationship. im a stay at home mom so i deal with the 24/7 he works third shift so he works, and sleep mostly during the week and the weekend hes usually sleeping or on the computer until recently he started hanging out with his "friend" whom i never was introduced to, to "work on cars" last weekend he was out with him most of the day until 1:30 in the morning we fought becuz he didn't discuss anything with me and was being rude on the phone and hung up and "didn't want to hear what i had to say" and was saying hurtful things like "maybe i want to have an outside life" "i want to do something without you and the kids for once" "i work 50 hours a week" okay... well i was still upset about the issue, but yesterday he tells me that hes going to "work on cars" again and that his friend was picking him up at 7pm well i didn't bother him didn't call,.. let him have his "fun" while i stayed home with all of the kids (like always) 4 in the morning rolls around and i call him and he claims he is at a diner i asked him when he was coming home and he didn't say anything about it we had an arguement and he hung up on me then ignored my phone calls i tried calling becuz of certain issues and the fact that our newborn was out of diapers and formula and he didnt leave any money when he knew this cuz i told him yesterday.. lunch time today i tried calling his friends the one was really rude and hung up on me and the other informed me where he was i kept calling becuz it was so messed up that i wasn't told anything and was wondering why he still wasn't home... he FINALLY answers his phone 4pm today and of course it was a huge fight and to make it short im wrong for feeling the way that i do, and i should've of known that if he was leaving at 7pm that he wasn't coming home last night he said its "only common sense" which NOTHING WAS SAID about him staying the night into the day at this guys house.. i asked him if he thought it was fair for me that i am constantly with these kids and i dont get to go hang out with my friends or do anything and was it fair that he went out and stayed out all night and all day today and he said "yeah becuz i told you i was going" i just want to know anyones opinion on this am i really wrong for being upset about the situation and the fact that i dont ever spend time with him during the week and the weekends are the only chance but he spends them sleeping, or the computer, or out with his friends what can i do to improve the situation?

Answer 1

First John D, you're an *** Hole......but to the damsel in distress, you should seek counseling, if he wont go for that, then mabe you should take some time off, I mean seriously, WHO fixes cars at 7:00 P.M. ??

Answer 2

For perspective, I'm a guy. I think you have a very good point and parenting responsibilities should be shared. Everyone needs alone time (and that includes you). Both parties in a relationship should be considerate and that includes letting you know what his plans are and helping with the kids. If he has always been this way, why have you stayed with him all these years through 3 kids? I think you really have to ask yourself if you really want to marry a guy that acts this way....but it just seems strange to me that this would come up after so long. What has changed recently? Based on your description, I think you need real counseling...your issues seem too serious for Yahoo Answers.

Answer 3

i do not think your wrong for being upset as it is his fault.

you should talk to him

btw maybe hes having an affair?

Answer 4

This is exactly why I never recommend that women live with, or have kids with, someone they are not married to.  You have all the RESPONSIBILITY of a wife, with none of the privileges.

But it is a little late for that now.  Bottom-line:  You are living with, and having kids with, a child.  Sure he works hard and deserves some time for innocent "fun", like working on cars.  

But he is being very disrespectful to you by hanging up, ignoring you, and staying out without calling.  He is also being irresponsible by not taking care of your family's needs before he takes care of his own.

However, the way you are confronting him is only making matters worse.  You can't have a meaningful discussion about these issues over the telephone when you are trying to track him down.

You have got BIG problems.  He is feeling tired, trapped, and ready to get out of all this responsibility for awhile.  And you are dependent upon him for money, support, and emotional stability.  This is a recipe for disaster and you are in the middle of a meltdown that has been coming on for some time.

Your only hope is some serious communication in counseling.  I don't think you can solve this without some professional help.  For the sake of your children, please find a way to get some.  You both need to grow up and start taking responsibility for the family that you have created.  Those children don't have a choice, you do.